Finally after the loooooooooooooooong pregnant pause...the play button of my life was pressed by my daughter's little fingers....She was born to me (us) in the wee hours of the first day of the eleventh month of the eleventh year of the 21st century....
This line was written 3 years ago...
My daughter is 3 years old now, so you can calculate why I could not complete this post...
and those of you who have more than one child...please accept my dandwat pranaam...(I am observing 2 minutes of silence in your respect)...All the stories of bravery and courage that we grow up reading...are nothing...
Valour...REAL VALOUR.....is exhibited by parents...in the way they conduct their day to day lives....and VALOUR in extreme conditions is shown by parents who have more than one to handle!!!! seriously - there should be some medal...
OK so here goes my birthing experience - which was 'khoda pahaad nikla chuha' kind of a thing.......Literally because I was like a 'pahaad' and my daughter (a very small baby) - more like a 'chuha'. Metaphorically...because everybody and their aunts had told me that I would have a C-section...but madam (I mean my daughter)...decided to start her life in this world very very 'normally' after having wrecked havoc in the womb...
So here is how it happened...
Water generally breaks; mine started leaking..(and for half a day I thought I was peeing involuntarily).... We went to the doctor and she said in a very matter of fact way - 'your water bag is leaking- get admitted to the labour room', and with this she turned her attention to the next woman in line....She did not notice my open mouth or popped out eyes...or if she did...she chose to ignore...
My husband definitely noticed it because he was looking like my mirror image at that moment...we went out of the consulting room and looked at each other in utter dismay...so this was it...the due date was 8 days away and...my mom's tickets were booked to arrive 2 days before it.....and being the laid-back creature that I am, my bag for the hospital was not fully packed...and to top it all...my sister was away on a shoot and my three year old niece was with me!!!
I gripped my husband's hand and said, 'don't you leave me here...let a friend come here and take the keys...and get the bag....and book ma's tickets on the next flight..By this time we had ceased looking like gargoyles and were thinking a little straight....We remembered that my sister's hubby had come back from the shoot - dead tired- the previous night...and was snoring away in the house as of that moment. Kumbhkaran was roused and Mish (my niece) was handed over to him...while mother's tickets were booked and a half packed bag was fully packed following telephonic instructions....
Friends materialized from all the corners of the world...and sat twiddling their thumbs waiting to become useful....but there was nothing to do.. except finding more innovative ways of passing time...
The hospital people were still looking for a bed for me in the labour room...but there was none there....so they gave my husband the option of either putting a bed for me in the corridor or to take the glamorous sounding and very expensive 'birthing suite'. Having seen my gargoyle incarnation that very morning, my husband of course, chose the latter.......................The suite was grand - with a TV, fridge, writing table, sofa, extra bed...and what not... The crowds poured in it....Pakoras were brought from Gangaram Hospital's canteen...tea was served to one and all without discrimination of age and sex...and my mother arrived to see me enjoying a pakora dipped in chutney...sitting on the hospital bed in a pink hospital gown. For one moment, she felt everybody was celebrating the arrival of the baby...but the next moment she looked at my tummy and plonked down beside me to join the waiting crowd.
What were we waiting for? Well, obviously, for a contraction - for the labour pains to start....
Soon, a doctor came to check my basics like pulse, heart rate, baby's heartbeat etc...all seemed fine, but she looked at the crowd very sternly. Not surprisingly, a little while later, a nurse came and said that the patient needed rest so everybody except family needed to leave the room....
No one budged! She repeated this in a sweet voice, but her facial expressions said, 'this isn't a fish market, buzz off'... I also tried telling her that I wasn't a 'Patient' but an 'expecting mother'...but she had no patience for that logic either..
Shuffling of feet, coughs, teary see-yous, balancing of tea and pakora plates to be carried outside, using of the suite loo - all this buzz of activity to make it seem to the nurse that people were leaving...but the plan was to plonk themselves on the sofas as soon as she left. But, she kept standing in her matronly posture of hands on hips...so people finally went out in height order....
Now, our hospital waiting rooms are way too small for the extended urban family -i.e. friends. As our friends sat twiddling their thumbs and skyping with friends in other countries- giving them minute to minute lack of progress, a ward boy came and said that so many people for one patient is not allowed - there are people standing in the corridor. So, most of them went off grumbling to their offices after they were promised hourly updates.
Coming back to the delivery bit...nothing was happening...we sat there waiting for one small movement which we could equate to a contraction...but in vain.
During her evening round, my doctor said that my labour would need to be induced as it wasn't happening on its own. The reason for this was attributed by my friends to my perpetual laziness - 'you and labour- huh! - forget it!'- this coming from my oldest friend - who was walking up and down her front lawn.. talking to me from Bangalore, more tense about the birth than me...Traitor!!!
One labour inducing capsule was inserted inside me and we waited with baited breath...for two hours..but there is limit to how long one can keep one's breath baited...so a collective sigh of relief was heard when one of the doctors came to check on me. She concluded that I would need another one of those labour inducing capsules...and my husband also joined the group of people who had by this time patented the idea that the lazier the woman the more difficult for her to have labour pains naturally..
And I forgot to mention....all this is being done when I had been told by all doctors including my mom to be prepared for a C-section. I was clueless as to why were we inducing labour at all. (Actually, I was stuck with an excellent and conscientious though strict doctor, sincere enough to try for a normal delivery for the benefit (both physical and financial) of the mother rather than going for expensive and quick c-sec for the benefit of the hospital)
The double power of two capsules started giving results...it was around 9 in the night when all that I had read about beginning of labour pains and initial harmless contractions was proved wrong. The first contraction was like a typhoon hitting my lower abdomen. It was followed by me screaming my lungs out with the shock. 'Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa', ooooooooooooooooooooooo maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa', I cried out in a million decibel scream for my mother who was sitting right next to me...
To cut the long story short, this contraction business lasted for 10 hours, and with every passing minute the contractions became more intense and closely placed....
And alongside - my friends disappeared after getting their ear drums pierced by my first few shrieks...vowing to come back only when it would be time to hold the baby....The ringtone of my mom's phone got embedded in my daughter's subconscious - I am sure! My father was calling every two minutes to ask how I was feeling....I kept screaming at my husband to shut up and hit him on his arm repeatedly (as he had placed his face strategically away from my reach)...He kept telling me, 'you know that you have to go through this...only then will the baby be born..' However, I did not need to know scientific facts at that moment
I also threatened to sue the hospital - TWICE!! They refused to give me an epidural to reduce the pain...My doctor had gone home to get some sleep - imagine!!! What about my sleep??? (the nurse laughingly told me afterwards that the junior docs had actually taken my threat seriously - implying that they were too inexperienced to know how hollow and shallow are threats by a woman in labour - she forgets all once the baby is out)
Finally...my doctor came back at 6 in the morning and told me to shut up...and focus on pushing instead of screaming. She said there was still an hour or so (to me 'an hour' sounded like 'an eternity' and I wanted to strangle somebody)..
She started talking to my mother in some foreign language (medical terms...gynae stuff)...I was damn exhausted but I kept pushing with all the strength I could muster. (My mother told me something that really helped - to think that you are constipated and have to take it out - that kind of pushing is required!!!)
you won't believe what my doc did then. She asked me to get up and walk to the delivery room. This was at 7 in the morning (10 hours since the first contraction)...I looked at her with the best 'incredulous' expression I could give - She ignored it...of course!!!........The next 15 minutes are a blur - with contractions close together and two nurses pressing my tummy and the doctor saying that she could see the head....and the shoulder getting stuck...and suddenly the baby (all red and sticky) held up in front of me by the doctor!!!!!
I felt empty and exhausted....but could see the prize of my pain in front of me....I asked the doc 'what is it?' She gave me her first half smile in 6 months...and said - 'I won't tell you - you created such a ruckus!' I had begged and pleaded only for a second when she said - 'it's a beautiful little girl'...and I closed my eyes after that..............................
Suddenly I was awakened by the sound of a child crying...I smiled thinking of the other mother's happiness and relief.......and asked the nurse - how many children had been born that morning...and she said 'only your daughter beta - she has a strong voice just like you (they don't have prizes for best screaming in labour)....isko gaana zaroor sikhana!!!'
Then she tucked me in the bed and told me to rest for a while........then she thought for a second...shook her head....and said 'main tumse jhooth nahi bolungi beta...there is no rest for you now'!!!!!!!!!!!!!!AND HOW RIGHT SHE WAS!!!
We are all dancing to Punter's tune and marching to her beats and swaying to her commands and nodding to her demands.............and all is good in our musical world...well- almost (sometimes there are screams/ sniffles/ sobs/ wails)...but then music is of many kinds........
yes - that is my little girl's first finger shake with me
My daughter is 3 years old now, so you can calculate why I could not complete this post...
and those of you who have more than one child...please accept my dandwat pranaam...(I am observing 2 minutes of silence in your respect)...All the stories of bravery and courage that we grow up reading...are nothing...
Valour...REAL VALOUR.....is exhibited by parents...in the way they conduct their day to day lives....and VALOUR in extreme conditions is shown by parents who have more than one to handle!!!! seriously - there should be some medal...
OK so here goes my birthing experience - which was 'khoda pahaad nikla chuha' kind of a thing.......Literally because I was like a 'pahaad' and my daughter (a very small baby) - more like a 'chuha'. Metaphorically...because everybody and their aunts had told me that I would have a C-section...but madam (I mean my daughter)...decided to start her life in this world very very 'normally' after having wrecked havoc in the womb...
So here is how it happened...
Water generally breaks; mine started leaking..(and for half a day I thought I was peeing involuntarily).... We went to the doctor and she said in a very matter of fact way - 'your water bag is leaking- get admitted to the labour room', and with this she turned her attention to the next woman in line....She did not notice my open mouth or popped out eyes...or if she did...she chose to ignore...
My husband definitely noticed it because he was looking like my mirror image at that moment...we went out of the consulting room and looked at each other in utter dismay...so this was it...the due date was 8 days away and...my mom's tickets were booked to arrive 2 days before it.....and being the laid-back creature that I am, my bag for the hospital was not fully packed...and to top it all...my sister was away on a shoot and my three year old niece was with me!!!
I gripped my husband's hand and said, 'don't you leave me here...let a friend come here and take the keys...and get the bag....and book ma's tickets on the next flight..By this time we had ceased looking like gargoyles and were thinking a little straight....We remembered that my sister's hubby had come back from the shoot - dead tired- the previous night...and was snoring away in the house as of that moment. Kumbhkaran was roused and Mish (my niece) was handed over to him...while mother's tickets were booked and a half packed bag was fully packed following telephonic instructions....
Friends materialized from all the corners of the world...and sat twiddling their thumbs waiting to become useful....but there was nothing to do.. except finding more innovative ways of passing time...
The hospital people were still looking for a bed for me in the labour room...but there was none there....so they gave my husband the option of either putting a bed for me in the corridor or to take the glamorous sounding and very expensive 'birthing suite'. Having seen my gargoyle incarnation that very morning, my husband of course, chose the latter.......................The suite was grand - with a TV, fridge, writing table, sofa, extra bed...and what not... The crowds poured in it....Pakoras were brought from Gangaram Hospital's canteen...tea was served to one and all without discrimination of age and sex...and my mother arrived to see me enjoying a pakora dipped in chutney...sitting on the hospital bed in a pink hospital gown. For one moment, she felt everybody was celebrating the arrival of the baby...but the next moment she looked at my tummy and plonked down beside me to join the waiting crowd.
What were we waiting for? Well, obviously, for a contraction - for the labour pains to start....
Soon, a doctor came to check my basics like pulse, heart rate, baby's heartbeat etc...all seemed fine, but she looked at the crowd very sternly. Not surprisingly, a little while later, a nurse came and said that the patient needed rest so everybody except family needed to leave the room....
No one budged! She repeated this in a sweet voice, but her facial expressions said, 'this isn't a fish market, buzz off'... I also tried telling her that I wasn't a 'Patient' but an 'expecting mother'...but she had no patience for that logic either..
Shuffling of feet, coughs, teary see-yous, balancing of tea and pakora plates to be carried outside, using of the suite loo - all this buzz of activity to make it seem to the nurse that people were leaving...but the plan was to plonk themselves on the sofas as soon as she left. But, she kept standing in her matronly posture of hands on hips...so people finally went out in height order....
Now, our hospital waiting rooms are way too small for the extended urban family -i.e. friends. As our friends sat twiddling their thumbs and skyping with friends in other countries- giving them minute to minute lack of progress, a ward boy came and said that so many people for one patient is not allowed - there are people standing in the corridor. So, most of them went off grumbling to their offices after they were promised hourly updates.
Coming back to the delivery bit...nothing was happening...we sat there waiting for one small movement which we could equate to a contraction...but in vain.
During her evening round, my doctor said that my labour would need to be induced as it wasn't happening on its own. The reason for this was attributed by my friends to my perpetual laziness - 'you and labour- huh! - forget it!'- this coming from my oldest friend - who was walking up and down her front lawn.. talking to me from Bangalore, more tense about the birth than me...Traitor!!!
One labour inducing capsule was inserted inside me and we waited with baited breath...for two hours..but there is limit to how long one can keep one's breath baited...so a collective sigh of relief was heard when one of the doctors came to check on me. She concluded that I would need another one of those labour inducing capsules...and my husband also joined the group of people who had by this time patented the idea that the lazier the woman the more difficult for her to have labour pains naturally..
And I forgot to mention....all this is being done when I had been told by all doctors including my mom to be prepared for a C-section. I was clueless as to why were we inducing labour at all. (Actually, I was stuck with an excellent and conscientious though strict doctor, sincere enough to try for a normal delivery for the benefit (both physical and financial) of the mother rather than going for expensive and quick c-sec for the benefit of the hospital)
The double power of two capsules started giving results...it was around 9 in the night when all that I had read about beginning of labour pains and initial harmless contractions was proved wrong. The first contraction was like a typhoon hitting my lower abdomen. It was followed by me screaming my lungs out with the shock. 'Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa', ooooooooooooooooooooooo maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa', I cried out in a million decibel scream for my mother who was sitting right next to me...
To cut the long story short, this contraction business lasted for 10 hours, and with every passing minute the contractions became more intense and closely placed....
And alongside - my friends disappeared after getting their ear drums pierced by my first few shrieks...vowing to come back only when it would be time to hold the baby....The ringtone of my mom's phone got embedded in my daughter's subconscious - I am sure! My father was calling every two minutes to ask how I was feeling....I kept screaming at my husband to shut up and hit him on his arm repeatedly (as he had placed his face strategically away from my reach)...He kept telling me, 'you know that you have to go through this...only then will the baby be born..' However, I did not need to know scientific facts at that moment
I also threatened to sue the hospital - TWICE!! They refused to give me an epidural to reduce the pain...My doctor had gone home to get some sleep - imagine!!! What about my sleep??? (the nurse laughingly told me afterwards that the junior docs had actually taken my threat seriously - implying that they were too inexperienced to know how hollow and shallow are threats by a woman in labour - she forgets all once the baby is out)
Finally...my doctor came back at 6 in the morning and told me to shut up...and focus on pushing instead of screaming. She said there was still an hour or so (to me 'an hour' sounded like 'an eternity' and I wanted to strangle somebody)..
She started talking to my mother in some foreign language (medical terms...gynae stuff)...I was damn exhausted but I kept pushing with all the strength I could muster. (My mother told me something that really helped - to think that you are constipated and have to take it out - that kind of pushing is required!!!)
you won't believe what my doc did then. She asked me to get up and walk to the delivery room. This was at 7 in the morning (10 hours since the first contraction)...I looked at her with the best 'incredulous' expression I could give - She ignored it...of course!!!........The next 15 minutes are a blur - with contractions close together and two nurses pressing my tummy and the doctor saying that she could see the head....and the shoulder getting stuck...and suddenly the baby (all red and sticky) held up in front of me by the doctor!!!!!
I felt empty and exhausted....but could see the prize of my pain in front of me....I asked the doc 'what is it?' She gave me her first half smile in 6 months...and said - 'I won't tell you - you created such a ruckus!' I had begged and pleaded only for a second when she said - 'it's a beautiful little girl'...and I closed my eyes after that..............................
Suddenly I was awakened by the sound of a child crying...I smiled thinking of the other mother's happiness and relief.......and asked the nurse - how many children had been born that morning...and she said 'only your daughter beta - she has a strong voice just like you (they don't have prizes for best screaming in labour)....isko gaana zaroor sikhana!!!'
Then she tucked me in the bed and told me to rest for a while........then she thought for a second...shook her head....and said 'main tumse jhooth nahi bolungi beta...there is no rest for you now'!!!!!!!!!!!!!!AND HOW RIGHT SHE WAS!!!
We are all dancing to Punter's tune and marching to her beats and swaying to her commands and nodding to her demands.............and all is good in our musical world...well- almost (sometimes there are screams/ sniffles/ sobs/ wails)...but then music is of many kinds........
yes - that is my little girl's first finger shake with me
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