wonderful post by a fellow blogger and expecting mother

A must read for moms-to-be who want to go back to work after having the baby and will have to balance work and home with great effort...(and for their partners)!! Please click the link below...one of the moms interviewed is my friend Tulika..

http://anushayspoint.com/2011/08/24/moms-of-the-world-how-women-tackle-motherhood-its-myths/#more-2624

and a little laugh for my readers...another one from Randy Glasbergen: http://www.glasbergen.com/

Tring Tring!! 

Do babies want rich parents?

Very busy two weeks - that is why no blogging!! small Baby Shower happened (Gode bharai) with a 'pooja'...got no gifts except a new salwaar kurta (shapeless), some rice and dal and a coconut in my lap! I guess, like me nobody wants to over-do anything (after so many complications) till the baby is born ...so I had not sent out any invites to friends...

AND... I also got a trailer of 'how to bring up your child without losing your patience' as my sister happily left her 2 year old daughter with me for 3 days!! so that is why no blogging!! 3 days with a child have left me panting for breath!! (some of you must be smiling and mumbling 'picture abhi baaki hai mere dost')...I am sure those of you with smiles on their faces are the ones with children (some time back, some of you had told me-'blog away-you won't get any time afterwards..'). And I had bragged how I will prove you all wrong by writing even after the baby is born...Well- I take my words back....hats off to all you parents...THIS IA A F*#$@ing FULL TIME JOB!! 

But, will be back soon with a new chapter...till that time...something to ponder upon...

Do babies/ children want rich parents? I don't think babies really need rich parents...because I have seen children happiest when playing with an empty cardboard box or tearing a piece of newspaper....What riches are needed for these items?? I know, I know what some of you want to say....but I will not think about school admissions right now even if you pay me a million dollars!!

Mull on this pic posted by a friend on Facebook:

I hope these are not my baby's wishes - futile prayers - not happening (unless one of you is ready to pay me a million bucks to think about school admissions...then I'll be super-rich!!) (on second thoughts- make it a billion dollars - being preggie, I like big round figures!).

Well, the baby's prayers are not completely futile...(I have an idea) - These are my responses to the baby:

Dear Baby....You will make us 'rich' by being born to us (enriching our lives and all that)...We'll need 'super' powers to bring you up - does that suffice as 'super- rich'??

Dear Baby....We'll try to be 'Super' parents... and when you grow up- you can  take care of the 'Rich' part!!

I like the second one more...what say people?

Pregnant and getting KICKED!!

At some point in your lives, you all must have heard/seen a dog yelping in pain because somebody just kicked it on the side...
Today, through this post, I send my heartfelt sympathies to all the dogs out there who have experienced this ordeal -  Dear doggies, I know exactly how it feels - the only difference being that I can't run away from the kicks as they are coming from inside me!!!

I can classify my baby's movements into kicks, punches, boxes, jabs, head banging, hiccups and somersaults - my 'million dollar baby' (pun intended) seems to be extremely inspired by a combination of two gentlemen, Mr. Bruce Lee and Mr.Rocky Balboa.

My general response to this powerful thrashing I receive everyday is 'Ouch,' 'OUCH', 'OUCH,' 'OUCH' depending on the intensity of the jabs. I say 'ouch' so many times that I hope my baby is not assuming that this is his/her name...or may be the father's name...that mommy keeps yelling all the time!!

this is not me - but some mommy getting kicked real hard by her baby!

When I felt the baby move for the first time, it was ................. ( I am at a loss of words!). 'Mind-blowing'; 'magical', 'amazing' and 'awesome' all put together also cannot reach even close to that feeling... For the first time I felt confident about being pregnant....reassured that my baby must be fine as it is moving around...:-)...It was also my baby's first communication with me!! I felt connected to the baby and realized that I was nurturing a small little life within me...Whoever coined the phrase 'alive and kicking' must have been pregnant at that time!!

Of course, the initial movements (that start in the 5th month) are generally compared to butterflies fluttering inside your tummy...then gradually these flutters transform into earthquakes!! But, a couple of pregnant women I met at the doc's clinic told me that their babies moved rather softly inside them...I told them that their babies had great potential of becoming graceful ballet dancers... (and mine had the potential of inventing a new dance form in which you'll just have to thump your feet hard, do some head banging, thrash your fists in the air...the works - A rock star definitely!!)

When parents ask their children to sing a song or recite a poem in front of somebody, children never do it...they start behaving as of they are being spoken to in a foreign language!! Actually these same children, will fry their parents ears at home singing, reciting, screaming etc but in front of some Aunty and Uncle...they HAVE to appear as the dumbest creatures on earth!! (I'm sure most of you are familiar with this). My child has already learnt this trick!! Some of my friends and my husband have been seeing me squirming and swearing (mostly 'ouch') at every kick of the baby...but when I place their hands on my tummy...this baby becomes a complete Mahatma...all tranquil and peaceful... Not a flutter from her/him...complete silence....Serenity personified!!!! It has been really difficult for me to gather evidence and witnesses regarding the intensity and frequency of my baby's kicks!! You'll have to take my word for it though some people don't believe me...

One night I was trying to sleep..tossing and turning on the bed as usual...not able to doze off because of  the high level of activity happening inside me..I finally fell asleep in one posture - by spooning my hubby (hugging him from behind)...In the middle of the night, I was woken up by my husband. He said that he woke up because I was patting his back continuously as if I needed something urgently. I told him that I would shake him vigorously by the shoulders, or pull his hair or scream his name if there was any emergency...why in the world would I pat his back?? Then I shouted out with glee, 'that must have been the baby kicking!' But, he refused to believe me!!  He said he must have been dreaming...just IMAGINE!!!! For a long time, I was fuming at the unfairness of the whole situation...because he immediately went back to sleep and I was wide awake like an owl...felt like giving a nice tight kick to my fast asleep hubby (Whoever coined the phrase 'sleeping like a baby' was not talking about babies inside the wombs)!! These illustrations depict exactly how I felt...I really wanted him to know how it feels when somebody is 'POW-WOWING' punches inside you...(and also because I wanted him to feel the same amazement and delight)

good baby!!

I wish I could go on such a rampage. Mark Parisi has a wonderful collection of preggie cartoons: click here

I told my baby the next day that this kind of behaviour won't be tolerated etc..and I think s/he recognized the 'strict-mommy-tone'... and also felt some performance pressure!! Now, when Papa places his hand on the tummy, the kicks don't stop...(I do hope that the strict-mommy-tone works afterwards too...I don't want to promise chocolates or toys against recital of a poem...but who knows...it may come to that!!)

Also, after having complained so much, I suddenly felt good that I am not an elephant- imagine an elephant's baby kicking inside her and their gestation period is TWO YEARS!!!

Or for that matter..coming back to dogs....I am sending extra sympathies to the bitches (I strictly mean female dogs here) out there...they have to bear kicks of an entire litter inside them...and each of their babies has four feet!!!! The photo you see here is of 'Button' and her litter of 18!! and just a year ago she had given birth to 16!! ALL HATS that I had/have/will ever have OFF TO BUTTON!!!!

now you know what I mean 'litter'ally (photo taken from this website)

Feeling much better...sometimes- comparisons (however useless, unlikely or out of the world) do help!!

I am waiting for the time when I can again assign the normal meaning to 'feeling kicked' about something or 'getting the kicks' from something!!! And  I am sure that the first kick I'll get will be on seeing my baby (that will be a pretty huge kick for my husband too).... right now the wait is getting harder and so are the kicks!!

And for people who doubt my baby's kicking abilities (like my hubby)...I know exactly what I'll do to make them believe - see below:

so now you know how 'kicks' feel

Dressing up when Pregnant

I am writing this post because last week, I got 4-5 phone calls from among my limited group of readers...and they complained that I was not being regular with my posts and they were checking my blog everyday!! I tried to pass off my laziness as pregnancy moodiness...but all in vain...some of them know me too well to fall for my lies (they rightly pointed out that I had limited time to write all I can about pregnancy - the blog being about 'pregnancy')!! But it was not their scolding/insistence that has made me write this post in a hurry....It was their praise... and their simple looking- forward-to-reading-something-new-written-by-me..

I was beaming with delight throughout the week and it wasn't the glow of pregnancy!! I had to bite my finger and pinch myself  to confirm that I wasn't dreaming...because some of these friends are brutally honest and 'praise' in any form coming from them is huge!! Even my baby kicked a little more than usual - I guess it was dancing with joy!! Thanks people...you all liking my blog means a lot to us (me n the baby)..

Actually I have a number of ideas kicking inside me like the baby but they are all still growing like her/him!! And as I am growing and the baby is growing and the ideas are growing, it is becoming even easier to dress myself up (seriously...I am not joking). I have this wonderful collection of tents to wear  (yes..you heard correctly- TENTS)!! (thanks to my mom)

My mother has taken the responsibility of dressing me up in my preggie+home-arrest status. For going out to the doc's clinic or for an ultrasound, she had saved the maternity kurtas that my sister had bought during her time. She passed them on to me in the second month so that I wouldn't even dream of buying anything new (as it is you have to be at home...why do you need new clothes!). Now I know what 'revenge' tastes like...when we were younger...my younger sis always got the hand-me-downs and I got new clothes!! Then came the fateful day when both of us attained almost the same size and since then, most of our fights revolve mostly around clothes (even today- I feel happiest when I have plundered my sister's wardrobe).


But, it is the other clothes that I wear 24X7 nowadays that I want to talk about...The 'tents' - referred to as 'nighties' by my mom but I swear to you all that they are actually tents with a hole on the top and two on the sides for my head and hands to go in. Either my mom told the tailor that I was a shapeless and obese alien from outer space who could expand to unimaginable size or... she had recently seen Arnold Schwarzenegger pregnant in the film 'Junior' and emotionally thought of her pregnant daughter and then confused our sizes while giving instructions to the tailor!! 

this is a specimen of pregnant Arnie's nightie!!

This is an example of Arnie's size!!

The other designer items contributed by Ma towards my preggie wardrobe are pajamas - I prefer calling them 'Hippopojamas' and here is what I think must have happened at the tailor's shop... Ma must have given her strict instructions to the tailor, 'My daughter is a hippopotamus ...she is also pregnant...so add extra cloth if you need...but make the pajamas loose and comfortable'. Later she must have made a follow-up phone call to the tailor to ensure that he understood her well...'she is not what she used to be...she is fat now' (I tried to insert the word  'overweight' in my mom's vocabulary but she feels it doesn't carry the same weight as 'FAT'). 

So I ended up with pajamas that are loose and comfortable for a pregnant Hippo with enough space remaining for an elephant to take a stroll..Some of them have extra strips of cloth stitched on both sides as the tailor did not want to take any chances with the fitting...having being given such specific instructions!!

a medium sized specimen of a non-pregnant hippo!!

Thereafter, the only thing left to me to arrange was tops that I could wear with these pajamas... Here is where my old T-shirts came in pretty handy...very comfortable...already stretched and loose...and you can do anything with them....So, I tried painting some 'pregnancy related' messages/quotes on my old T-shirts...to ensure and assert my own creativity in my wardrobe! I borrowed some quotes from the internet and some I made on my own...here are some for you all to read and smile (don't ask me to put pictures of my painted T-shirts as the project got sploshed mid-way - I read somewhere that clumsiness increases in the third trimester - no...REALLY... :-)...but I am still trying)..

'I am growing a baby inside me...What are you doing?' (read somewhere)

'I am making a baby...What's your superpower?' (read somewhere)

'Because I am Pregnant' (mine)

'You better smile when you hear me burp' (mine)

        

Having told you all this...I have to grudgingly confess that the 'Tents and Hippopojamas' are a million times more comfortable than a few other clothes that I sneakily managed to buy one day. I love their ample comfort..I breathe better, move easier and feel less sweaty and itchy.. but I never accepted this in front of Ma.. 


Ma took time out from her busy schedule (she is a really busy doctor) -bought the softest cotton cloth available-washed it - went to the tailor- gave specific (ahem!!) instructions-got the clothes from the tailor- had them sent to me in time- and what did I do? First, I screamed when I saw the clothes and then I screamed at her on the phone asking her whether she felt I was a hippo (then she got confused between a hippo and a rhino and asked me which one I meant- as if that would make a big difference in size) !!


I guess that is exactly what my child will also do when I'll try and do something practical for her/him -'SCREAM'...get irritated..It's OK..One does this with parents..History will repeat itself...and somewhere down the line, my Ma and Pa will happily witness their grandchildren taking their revenge!!

:-) keep smiling people...

All T Shirt pictures are from this website


I have three more stories in draft stage..will post them soon

Pregnant but not filmy!

Last week, one of my friends discovered that she was pregnant...she called me up and said that it was all because of reading my blog (I insisted that she give a little credit to her husband too but she just wouldn't hear of it). She had been indecisive about having a baby and wanted to thank me as she got that last moment 'push' (let's say encouragement) from my stories... (and here I was thinking that people reading all this stuff will think at least twice before having a baby!!)


'and...', she said 'my husband refuses to believe that I'm pregnant!!!!'...He told her, 'O come on...don't try and fool me...you're not pregnant....you're not even puking!!!' Even when she showed him the two lines on the four pregnancy tests that she had done to confirm it herself, he looked quite skeptical about the whole thing because she hadn't vomited!! 


This is what happens when one has been fed on a healthy dose of Hindi cinema since childhood!! (actually only about 55% of pregnant women show this symptom of early pregnancy - good, I was not among them)


Don't you all remember the film 'Aradhana'? I think it marked my entry into adulthood - I got to know that one could get pregnant by spending (quality) time with a guy alone! It was quite a breath of fresh air after seeing scenes of two flowers touching and two birds touching their beaks on screen and suddenly in the next scene a woman got pregnant and started puking (very confusing for teenagers)!! 


Remember...the 'roop tera mastana' song around a bonfire...the hero and heroine alone in the wilderness, needing each other's warmth in the extreme cold weather......and the next scene shows Sharmila Tagore going 'AWWWWWWGWWAAAWWWW' - puking and indicating to the audience that she is pregnant....and the audience emiting a collective HAW!! 



Hindi films showing  pre-marital pregnancy use this most visually obvious symptom of pregnancy-puking/ vomiting/ throwing up or 'morning sickness' (nothing scientific about the nomenclature as morning sickness can happen at any time of the day!).It is used in films because of its audio-visual appeal! Women don't develop baby bumps overnight otherwise it would have been easy for film makers. Other signs of pregnancy are not very obvious (except to the pregnant woman), so they don't work on screen..


only 'Awwwwwwwuuu... aaawwwwww.... auuwwwwwww' works!!!!  


The only other thing that works is to say it clearly...'Main tumhare bachche ki ma banne vaali hoon (I am going to become the mother of your child - sounds quite weird in English) or get some elderly woman to abuse the pregnant heroine 'kalmuhi kahan se moo kala karva ke aayi hai?' (where did you go and get your face blackened- i think I should stop translating - just doesn't convey the emotion properly!!)


I really wanted to find out if anybody has ever used these statements in real life so I conducted a telephonic survey of 18 pregnant women and 22 moms and asked them how they had broken the news to their husbands and whether they had used this dialogue: 'main tumhare bachche ki ma banne vaali hoon'....I reached a conclusion that I have some very non-filmy friends as nobody except one had used this statement...


She has allowed me to mention the exact news she gave her hubby (let's call him X for convenience (his) sake)... (imagine a woman with sarcasm and frustration on her face, trying to control two children playing in the room and to have a conversation with her husband at the same time) 'yaar hudd hoti hai X - now this is the third time......ki main tumhare bachche ki ma ban rahi hoon - another pregnancy!!! tumhare bachche paida kar kar ke thak gayi hoon main...and you!!!...either you don't know how to wear it properly or we need to sue this company for manufacturing faulty products!!!' 
They had been so sure of their contraceptive technique that for three months, this friend ascribed the missed periods to extensive travel and the moodiness to the missed periods!!They went ahead and had a gorgeous baby girl is another story to tell!! AND....and...she didn't even puke so how could they guess (see how important 'vomiting' can be sometimes)!!

Talking of Hindi films and contraceptives, I can't help but remember Amitabh Bachchan stammer in front of the chemist while buying a pack of condoms in 'Cheeni Kum'. A hilarious scene!!(I also wondered what film stars do when they need them in real life? this must be one item on their priority list when they go to a country like Azerbaijan for a shoot-where nobody knows them- so they casually stroll into a shop and buy a year's supply at least!!)

Continuing the conversation about pregnancy, contraceptives and Hindi films,, I have to mention the recent film 'Rajneeti' otherwise this academic research will remain incomplete!! Nobody in that movie believes in using contraceptives....and all the women exhibit incredible fertility...each one gets pregnant after one go with her man!! First Bharti (whose man Naseerudin Shah runs away)..then Sara (in one go with Ranbir Kapoor)...then Indu (Arjun Rampal gets killed after this)!!! In this new age movie, these women are not shown throwing up left right and centre...instead subtle expressions and dialogues  are used to convey their pregnancy! (How boring!!)

Still continuing the same conversation and knowing that films are a mirror to our society, there is definitely an increased awareness about contraceptives...our films now show a more aware society...no more do you find women puking in a film to convey they are preggie...In today's movies, young people have sex all the time (it seems so) but do not end up pregnant like Sharmila Tagore in 'Aradhana'!! Take 'Murder 2' for instance- what would happen if Jaqueline were to become pregnant after one 
meeting with Hashmi???? 
..and isn't it sort of hard to picture Jacqueline puking??




P.S: So, I have told my friend to take the filmy path....shut herself in the toilet and produce loud sounds of 'awwwwww'...'awwwwwww' (make sure she's in hubby's hearing range)...come out and call her hubby...look into his eyes lovingly...get into a comfortable embrace and tell him 'main tumhare bachche ki ma banne vaali hoon (ab toe maan lo...I puked also)!!!'

to have or not to have....a baby!

Randy Glasbergen has a wonderful collection of cartoons (some of them are especially about the preganant state). this one taken from his website

a sure shot way to have cute babies!!

I got a frantic call from one of my preggie friends (let's call her 'S')...I present the conversation below:


S (really flustered): 'Yaar do you know any place where I can get some good posters?'
Me (amused): 'Kaun se hero ka chahiye hai? (which actor's poster do you want?)'
S (irritated): 'yahaan hum pareshaan ho rahe hain aur tumhe mazaak soojh raha hai....please help me find some good posters of cute babies'
Me (still amused): 'arre yaar...you are going to have a baby of your own...why do you need posters?'


At this point, S decided that she had to tell me the story from the beginning to make me understand the gravity of the situation. Her mother had told her about a month ago (on phone) to put up some posters of cute babies on all the walls of her room...so that they could be seen from every position (lying, sitting, waking up etc) and S had apparently convinced her mom that her room had been converted into an exhibition of cute babies...Now her mom was going to visit in person and S needed to cover up her lies and get at least 1-2 baby posters!! So the conversation continues:


Me: 'aaaaaaaah!! why did you lie to aunty?'
S: 'Would you like to cover all the four walls of your room with baby posters?'
Me (shuddering at the possibility and avoiding to answer): 'Actually........why are cute baby posters soooooo important?'
S (with her patience completely lost): 'arre my mom was saying that if you keep looking at beautiful children and cute babies when you're pregnant, your baby will also be cute'
Me (screaming): 'No!!!!!!!'
S (brimming with satisfaction at being understood at last): 'Yes!!!...and the problem is that my mom firmly believes in this theory!! so will you please stop talking and help me get a few posters....she's arriving tonight'
Me (laughing): 'S, didn't you explain to aunty that heredity also plays a small role...and that you and cuteness are opposite things so if you consider the genetics of the situation...(pause)...haan but R is quite cute so there is still a possibility of your baby inheriting some cuteness from him (referring to her husband)!!
S (fuming): will you stop your nonsense (bakwaas band karo) and help me get some posters...uff!! 


So after this conversation, both of us and our husbands and a few more friends began our search for baby posters (me from my house - remember doc advised rest - thank God or who-so-ever for internet)...First we looked for 'Archies' or 'Hallmark' shops which used to be the best place for getting cards/posters/gifts when we were teenagers. We were shocked to find that these shops have almost but disappeared (they are now online!!). One or two that remain on ground have stocked a lot of useless gifts like show-pieces...and very few cards (I guess everybody wishes each other on Facebook nowadays...who needs paper cards?)...and no posters (as you have your desktop background that you can change whenever you want)!!! So, no luck there...


We thought of getting poster size prints of some Anne Geddes baby photos (which in my opinion are beautiful!!)...but that was too expensive and we did not get any high resolution photo on the internet....plus we had no time to order through the internet!!


Finally...somebody found two posters in Sarojini Nagar with colour enhanced green and blue backgrounds behind the babies (very very ghati posters like the ones you get in a mela)...but it was already evening and we had to get S's room ready....So I suggested that they buy a roll of paper tape that doesn't leave any marks on the wall and S could easily take off the posters after aunty's visit!! 


Finally aunty arrived and saw the posters and remarked, 'only two posters!!' She had no problem with the jarring colours in the background and the poor quality of the posters as long as the babies were 'cute'...My friend thought it was time to put her foot down and said that two posters were enough to impart sufficient cuteness to her baby!!! Aunty did not argue further but said she'll try and get some more posters in her next visit!!!


Phew!!! All's well that ends well!! 


So, you must be thinking what a nice story with a good ending...but this is not the end....The day after this fiasco...I called up my Ma to share this humorous situation...but before I could reach the really funny part, she literally jumped at aunty's idea of 'pregnant women looking at posters of cute babies'...and said 'I think that's a brilliant idea...you also get some posters and put them up...do this immediately!!!' 


P.S: So now, when aunty will leave, S will send the posters and paper tape to my house...so that I can put them up when my mom visits next week...


P.P.S: What if they visit at the same time? What if S's mom wishes to come and see me or my mom vice versa? 


(S got this brilliant idea of getting her and her husband's childhood photos enlarged into poster size- frame them and put them up...but probably aunty feels that their cuteness quotient is a little low...as compared to poster babies- so she is sending four more posters by courier - expected anytime now!!)

another beautiful Anne Geddes baby poster:

A short story about my baby bump

In 1975, in a small house in a small town in North India, an overdue baby refused to budge from its mother's womb....The mother had been writhing in labour pain for some time, exhausted (but not sweating as it was the last week of December)...The mid wife or 'dai' was trying to push the baby out but the stubborn child decided to take a little more time.. Surrounding the pregnant woman were  8-10 women of all ages and sizes, giving varied instructions to her and continuously talking among themselves, discussing what had happened at the time of their respective deliveries...(while the pregnant woman was screaming silently at them- 'hello- I am the one having a baby...will you all FOCUS!!').When nothing happened for 5-6 hours and ten more neighbours had gathered around, they started discussing options...while the preggie woman just looked on, wishing that they would take a decision before the millennium ends. Finally, somebody had a brainwave and suggested that they call a doctor. Though this was very unusual for their family as all babies were born at home, they still agreed and called the doctor (or a 'doctorani' as told to me) and as soon as she came, this baby literally jumped out into her arms...Yes, obviously- it was a boy!! The doctor was paid Rs. 100 for her visit and for many many months to come, whenever the family talked about the boy- they said 'bada mehnga bachcha hai...doctorani ko sau rupye dene pade iske liye!' (meaning...a very costly baby...the doctor had to be given 100 rupees for him!)


A baby delivered for 100 rupees!! Nowadays, there is not even a single blood test that costs less than 100 rupees....a single delivery in a decent hospital costs several grands....arre even 1 kg good rice costs more than Rs. 100.....
Also, one wonders, how dependent we have become on westernized concepts of medical care in the current times. While most of us are in the race for delivering in hospitals (despite uncomplicated pregnancies), in the West most people are now opting for home births assisted by trained mid-wives.


You must be wondering how this story is about me...Don't worry I was not born a boy...nor did I undergo a sex-change operation....just read on.........


In the first week of January,1977, with her teeth chattering in the cold, a pregnant doctor arrived in a small nursing home in a small town in central India on her due date. She knew that the baby will be born on that date as it was also her lucky number (pregnant women get a lot of these ideas). She waited patiently for the baby to turn who was in 'transverse lie' position (meaning if the mother is standing, the baby is perpendicular to her making the sign of a +). Of course, this baby was as stubborn as the one in the first story and refused to budge...Labour pains were in  full bloom and the tired mother told the doctor to conduct a C-Section....But, that was not to happen because the Nani (grandmother) put her foot down and refused to sign the approval form for a Cesarean birth. She believed that the baby will turn and told her daughter to have some patience (something that should never be told to women in labour!!). Nani's 'guru' had told her that she'll have a grand daughter - a rebirth of 'Laxmibai' (he had ultrasonic as well as supersonic vision it seems). So, this Nani was convinced that the baby will be born normally and there was no need for her daughter to cut up her body...The baby was probably enjoying the loud argument between the mom and grand mom as it still refused to budge.... 5-6 hours passed in grueling labour. The grandfather outside realized that holes had appeared in the soles of his sandals with so much walking and shuffling around the nursing home (literally!!) and wondered what had happened to the women inside. Finally, the mother had had enough of this madness and told the doctor to get the form so that she could sign it herself and just then........, the baby turned and was born in the next instant! The proud glow of satisfaction that  people usually exhibit on being proved right was visible on the Nani's face who stood beaming over the baby, her grand daughter!!


At least there was a strong Nani over here, nowadays, people (like me) are so paranoid about the safety of the baby etc that we decide about having a C-section at the drop of a hat. In addition to this, most private hospitals and doctors in India are infamous for not wanting to wait/try for a normal delivery but earn huge packets by conducting C-sections.. 




To go on with the story of these two stubborn and individualistic children....


Born in different cultures/situations/ very different families, who would have thought that these two would ever meet......They themselves had no idea that their lives would be intertwined with each other in the future.....The baby boy grew up in a number of towns in the northern most part of the country and then went to college in South India before coming to the capital of the country. The baby girl went from central India to grow up in a city in North India, went to college in Western India and then landed in the capital city.


It was here that they met each other in 2001 and 10 years after their paths crossed, they decided to make a baby together in 2011 (of course a lot happened in between!! but don't forget this is supposed to be a short story).....so this is the shortest story of how I got this baby bump........... and  right now it feels like a football being kicked from all sides (in sides I mean)!!

P.S.  First story: heard from Mom-in-law;
        Second story: heard at least a million times from my Nani

Pregnant and DREAMING!!!

In terms of fantasy quotient, pregnant women's dreams and nightmares can make Steven Spielberg look pale. I used to boast about having the soundest sleep in the world with no recollection whatsoever of any dreams at all...and then I got preggie and this self image that I had created so painstakingly, got shattered into a million dreams!!


I have now been made capable by my pregnant state to see the most weird and fantastic dreams and nightmares that have included the following till date -  horror (most common theme); thrill; sex; drama; comic book heroes who have by some scientific experiment become pregnant (imagine Phantom pregnant); lions; Salman Khan (don't ask me why); science fiction plots involving babies with special powers; my boss (again, don't ask me why); my husband and the rest of the family; vampires; babies with tails; forest; toilet; ultrasound images in technicolour; my baby getting exchanged for another one in the hospital;... and some other unmentionable ones... Yes...that sums it all, at least till now.


Obviously, having being jolted to wakefulness almost every night by this weirdness, the researcher in me got interested in this topic (sleeplessness being the other factor besides academic curiosity) and I studied at least a dozen articles about 'pregnancy and dreams'. I was amazed to discover the wealth of information that 's available (it seems as if pregnant women do nothing else but dream). There are websites and research articles dedicated to this topic, that tell you the interpretation of these dreams... for example what it means if you see 2 kittens; 5 cubs; 9 armed babies etc in your dreams (yes- to that last detail). 


The websites claimed that the themes of most dreams are common among pregnant people, probably because all of us go through a similar gamut of anxiety and hormonal ups and downs. Dreams of preggie women have also been classified as 1st, 2nd and 3rd trimester dreams for purposes of systematic research - really, I had no idea that what I was experiencing was worth such extensive scientific research. So, I felt like a wonderful citizen of the world when I contributed two of my bizarre dreams to one such online forum in order to add to their collection (felt so fulfilled - my pregnancy dreams would be discussed and investigated and will help the world on its way to a new scientific era where people would understand dreams seen by pregnant women!). 


The best part was how relieved I felt when I read the dreams that other pregnant women had posted. All my fears were put at rest about any of my horrifying dreams ever coming true as the ones seen by some other women crossed all boundaries of bizarre. A new Oscar for best imagination needs to be instituted for some of these pregnant women!! 


I am not sharing my dreams here as some of them have the potential to make people sick and I don't want you all spending the rest of the month cleaning the crevices of your keyboards. But I will let you know the six commonest themes that most women see:

1. Water : ocean, bowl of water, toilet bowl, fish in water, swimming pool etc (related with anxiety/ knowledge about baby swimming in the amniotic fluid)
2. Husband/ Partner with other women :mostly super-models with silicon largely figuring in their figures (related with insecurity about your changing body/weight gain etc)
3. Appearance of baby or Baby in distress : baby as a kitten/cub/dinosaur - anything but human; being born with excessive hair; born an adult; being exchanged for another baby in the hospital; having more than required body parts; torturous delivery with a painful expression on the baby's face; baby plopping into the toilet bowl while you are going on with your daily tasks etc (and you thought that horror films were scary!!!) (seen by almost all preggie women - the good news is that there is substantial research to show that this is the best way to release anxiety and tension that women have about their unborn babies and women who see such dreams mostly have hassle free deliveries!)
4. Evolution: seeing one celled creatures changing shapes and sizes till they reach human form - passing from fish...reptile...amphibian... avian...to mammalian state (signifies the process of the baby growing inside the womb starting from a single cell)
5. Freedom: seeing open fields, airplanes, kites, yourself running or participating in adventure sports such as sky diving etc (signifying anxiety about new role as parent and loss of current independence. Fathers- to be also see these dreams!)
6. Change: a new room or balcony in your house; a new car; you staying in another city; you as a queen/ some other profession; you and your partner being reborn as some animals/aliens etc (I know this is weird) (signifies a new event about to happen in life - the baby)

Yes most of the dreams are actually nightmares but they come with the pregnancy package...so, 'sweet and sour dreams to you dear preggies!!'


The scientific explanation for these vivid dreams is, 'the anxiety and apprehension of the pregnant woman (regarding changes in her life/ body; or about the safe arrival of her baby; or its health etc) manifests into dreams'..of course- this does not explain my seeing Salman Khan in a dream. But then you can't explain everything in life! Can you? :-)


Some images from my dreams:

Well I saw a pregnant Phantom and Diana feeding him fruit

Lions and me giving birth to lion cubs - a litter!

I saw a toilet bowl and also the baby plopping in it!

Yes I saw Salman Khan - three times - each time without his shirt and with a baby!

Some interesting websites about pregnancy and dreams if you want to research further:

Very interesting pregnancy dreams decoded

Research Paper

An A-Z guide to interpreting pregnancy dreams

what not to say to pregnant women on bed rest

Having been stuck on the third floor of a lift-less apartment building on account of my slightly complicated pregnancy, I have now compiled a list of TOP 10 things that make bed ridden pregnant women even more miserable...

(this is the small text which people tend to miss in contracts and insurance documents - but is the most significant. Though I have mentioned here how I got irritated/miserable with what my friends and family said to me during my bed rest phase, without them, I couldn't have survived it...They have been my pillar of strength..my connection to the rest of the world...I cherish all the visits and phone calls that they have made/will make...Without them, I would really  be one miserable creature)


One friend asks me: 'Have you seen this latest movie (in this case it was ZNMD- Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara)? By God- its to die for- what amazing cinematography- what story- superb acting...you must see it- its just your kind of movie and you know what happens when this hero gets....'.(HELLO!!- sorry to interrupt but didn't I tell you just 2 seconds ago that I have been advised bed-rest by the doc!!). It is these kinds of friends who make you break your principles and watch pirated CDs...the government must arrest these people to bust the pirated CD racket!!

Another friend asks me in a very concerned voice: 'Did you get to watch this movie?' and before he can go any further, I say- 'Oh yes- I got it from a friend and watched it here..' He made a face that would make any zombie insecure and said, 'What!! you watched it on this tiny computer screen!!! On the big screen its another experience altogether' (WELL thanks!!  This information was really crucial to the development of my baby!! and another thanks for pointing out that my computer is size-zero and good for nothing)


A friend came to see me and to cheer me up she said, 'You don't know what a bundle you are saving...you are on bed rest- you don't need clothes!!' (she meant 'new clothes' to go with my changing size - but I had been looking forward to go about the town in stylish maternity clothes in which you can have as many tyres of fat oozing out of your body and yet people will give you those adoring glances and sweet smiles!!) So here I am in my rags...saving money on clothes...but getting whooping phone bills on account of the 'resting' state ( but the tongue never rests)...not to mention the gigantic AC bill as nowadays I feel that I'll melt in the heat. So, clothes or no clothes...expenditure is a norm when you are pregnant whether mobile or on bed rest!!

Number four is the most interesting as almost every friend who is a mom or dad has told me this: 'Abhi so lo jitna sona hai....baad mein taras jaaogi' meaning 'Sleep as much as you can while you have this chance...afterwards with the baby you won't get to sleep at all' (for those of you who are thinking exactly what problem could I have with this piece of good advice, I request you to transport yourselves to the days when we had our exams in school and we felt so sleepy and yet, in order to study, we had to keep our eyes open. Wouldn't it have been wonderful if we could sleep for one month and stay awake the next month when we had our exams??) Even if I sleep now (all the time as suggested), will it guarantee full energy and wide-eyed wakefulness once the baby is born?? Please tell me......please please...if yes, then I am ready to take some inspiration from 'Kumbhkaran'.


What can I say about this one: 'Please take a lot of rest' (Do you see me running a marathon or jumping around? Then why are you telling me to do exactly what I am doing 24X7 already?)

This one came from a friend who is also pregnant right now. She called me up and told me ' I went to this XYZ Spa today and got a relaxing facial and massage...feel like a million dollars...you know they have a special package to pamper pregnant women!' (waaaaaaaaaaaaaa!! this is me trying to cry and scream and pull my hair at the same time - difficult task - as I was also holding my phone listening to her) How could she do this to me- a knife in the heart!! I muttered 'Et tu Brute' under my breath and felt like Julius Caesar...I was sooooo jealous that my ears became warm. But then she told me that she went there because she had this very bad episode of morning sickness with a lot of puking and that she had been vomiting on and off every 3-4 hours and how her car seats had to be dry cleaned twice in a a week etc. So, she really needed some TLC (tender love n care)...Immediately the temperature of my ears returned to normal and I began sympathizing with her...though I really wanted to rub in the fact that I didn't even puke once in my preggie state!!!

This one is something that every pregnant woman hears from some source or the other....'you must sleep on time, eat on time, read good (they mostly mean spiritual) books, listen to good (here they mean meditative) music... All this will affect your baby......the baby will always sleep late if you sleep late etc etc. (Now as a resting preggie I really depend on those racy thrillers  to keep me company - and where is the thrill and mystery if they don't have a murder or two, at least one kidnapping, a rape etc???) (And why would I want my baby to listen to the recorded sound of water flowing over pebbles and birds chirping when s/he can experience it for real? As far as developing an appreciation for music goes, I think pregnant women should listen to all genres..) (And if the baby depends so much on my sleeping... my baby will surely be a lazy bum - a sloth in human garb...because the mother doesn't have a choice but to keep resting to bring her/him into this world! Suddenly, heredity will have no say and it won't matter if the mother and father are super-active otherwise) 


This one comes from my doctor friend (the one I've mentioned in a previous post). She keeps telling me that she knows of two such pregnant women who spent the entire 9 months on bed. They were not even allowed bathroom breaks like me and had a bed pan...She keeps telling me that I should be grateful that I am allowed to sit at the table and have my meals.. (Why? I also have the right to complain about my condition when I see pregnant women who go to office till the last day and I can't....why can't I compare myself to preggies who go and watch movies, go out for dinner...) So I will continue asking her 'Why me?' even if she keeps scolding me...more than 25 years of friendship give you many such exclusive rights. (yes you read correctly- 25years!!)

Do you know what a 'babymoon' is? I do now and will elucidate it here: A babymoon includes some ' "last hurrah" trips for parents-to-be providing the perfect setting to relax and reconnect as a couple before entering parenthood" .A pregnant friend (another one) calls up one day, jumping with joy, 'We are going for a babymoon to Bali'. Though I have to accept here that she did not know about the bed-rest clause in my pregnancy so she was just sharing her excitement which I could not share equally. (It is not easy spending all your time indoors...one gets really tired of the same walls, the same switchboard and tubelight and lamp and of course the same bed...however bright bed sheet one may use). Actually, pregnant women on bed rest must not feel bad about not being able to go on a babymoon because their doctors (like mine) must have given strict instructions with these two words loudest of all, 'No Sex'. My doctor  told me that the bed has to be used as a place of rest and nothing else for the next 6 months!!! Then she thought a little more and said, 'that doesn't open the option of doing it elsewhere in the house! You cannot risk going further than a cuddle or hug!!!!' IMAGINE!!! what opinion she must have had of me!!! Even if I would have made it to a babymoon on a stretcher, I would just be looking out of the hotel room window - May be I'll ask my husband to get a poster of an exotic beach location, stick it on the wall in front of me and dress up in beach wear and lie in front of the poster to give me the 'feel' - we could have the sound of sea waves in the background too!! (He'll kill me when he reads this!)


This usually comes from elder women in the family, aunties or didis- women more experienced in pregnancy than you..They tell you, 'Don't care about what the doctor says beta, you have to keep your husband's attention...All husbands are attracted towards other women when their wife is pregnant...after the third month there is no issue' Basically, they are encouraging me to do it with my hubby occasionally even when I am on bed rest. (Ok aunties so when did you all receive your doctorate in gynaecology? On one hand my doctor tells me to be careful even when I sit or stand so that there is minimum impact and on the other I am being cheered on for frequent humping (please excuse my language)). I was slightly bothered by this and asked my husband 'are you looking at other women nowadays?' He said 'that I do all the time...why is nowadays important?' so I asked him, 'do you find them more attractive than me? you know me being pregnant and all?' He answered 'Nobody in his right mind would answer 'yes' to that question! By the way, have you lost your mind or something'. He is right - I was being paranoid...On a more serious note, fathers-to-be have so much on their minds that even looking at other women amounts to additional work. Why do people always have to put men down to that level as if they are incapable of anything else. If it is important for the safety of the baby, its not a big deal for both the mother and father to go without sex - 'its just temporary and not impossible Aunty!!!'

some laughs!!

As I have been worried about some blood tests lately, I've not been able to focus on my writing. By the time I collect my courage and wait for the results, I'll share some fun 'pregnancy' jokes  featuring 'men'...that helped cheer me up (compiled from various internet sources)...Enjoy!!!:


After a trip of South India , Santa Singh ,his wife and his son were returning to Punjab in Tamilnadu Express. Santa Singh was occupying the lower berth, his wife the middle berth and his son the top most berth in the train. When the train stopped at one of the stations on the way back the son requested Santa Singh for some ice cream to which Santa readily agreed. When Santa and his son returned they found that a South Indian who couldn't understand Hindi had occupied his son's berth . Outraged, Santa Singh called the TT and asked him to help. The TT also could not understand Hindi/Punjabi so he said it would be better if Santa Singh explained the whole situation to him in English. Santa Singh explained " That man sleeping on top of my wife is not giving birth to my child."




A Husband made a call to the Hospital to know about his pregnant Wife. But accidentally the call went to a Cricket stadium. He asked, "What is the condition?" He fainted after hearing the reply, which said, "7 are already out... 3 more to get after Lunch...and...two were Ducks..."




A tense man spoke frantically into the phone, "My wife is eight months pregnant and she is crying in pain!"
"Is this her first child?" the doctor asked.
"No!" the man shouted, "This is her husband!"




A pregnant lady was in an accident and she woke up in the hospital. She noticed she was not pregnant anymore and asked the nurse what happened to her baby.
The nurse said, "You have two healthy babies, a boy and a girl!" The lady said, "Oh, I must name them,"  but the nurse said, "You were unconscious, so we called your brother, and he named them!"
The lady said, "But he's as dumb as a box of rocks! So what are their names?"
The nurse said, "The girl is called "Denise." The woman replied, "Well that is a pretty name, so what did he name my boy?"The nurse replied, "Denephew!"


A young man said to his girlfriend's father, "I realize that this is only a formality, but would you mind me marrying your daughter?" 
"Who says it's ONLY A FORMALITY?" asked the father angrily.
"Her obstetrician!" replied the young man.

A college lecturer sets her class a fun competition. She asks them to write as short a story as possible containing the three topics i.e. religion, sexuality and mystery. The guy who got the first prize wrote "My god, I'm pregnant. I wonder whose it is?"




A woman went to the doctor's office. She was seen by one of the new doctors, but after about four minutes in the examination room, she burst out, screaming as she ran down the hall. An older doctor stopped and asked her what the problem was, and she explained. He had her sit down and relax in another room.
The older doctor marched back to the first and demanded, "What's the matter with you? Mrs. Terry is 63 years old, she has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and you told her she was PREGNANT?"
The new doctor smiled smugly as he continued to write on his clipboard.
"Cured her hiccups though, didn't it?"


Father to daughter: I don't like this guy Fred. He has no brains and he is rough and looks like a gangster. You must stop seeing him
Daughter: Oh no Father... I think Fred is really clever. I have been seeing him for 2-3 months only and he has already cured me of that sickness that used to happen to me every month!!


"I'm really worried," exclaimed Sam.
"Why?" Pete asked. 
"Well, my wife read `A Tale of Two Cities' and we had twins. 
Later she read `The Three Musketeers' and we had triplets. 
Now she's reading `Birth of a Nation!"

Brenda, pregnant with her first child, was paying a visit to her obstetrician's office. When the exam was over, she shyly began, "My husband wants me to ask you..."

"I know, I know," the doctor said, placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder, "I get asked this all the time. Sex is fine until late in the pregnancy."
"No, that's not it at all," Brenda said. "He wants to know if I can still mow the lawn

A lady, about seven months pregnant, got onto a streetcar and sat down upon which she noticed the man opposite her smiling.  Feeling humiliated, she changed her seat. This time his smile turned into a grin, so she changed her seat again.  The man seemed more amused than ever, so again she moved, and immediately the man burst into laughter. Feeling highly insulted the woman complained to the conductor who had the man arrested.

The case came up in court and the judge asked the man if he had anything to say, whereupon the man replied, "Well your honor, it was this way.  When the lady got on the car I could not help but notice her condition, which in itself did not amuse me a bit, but when she sat down under a sign that read "THE GOLD DUST TWINS ARE COMING," I had to smile. Then when she moved and sat down under another sign which read, "SLOANS LINIMENT WILL REDUCE THAT SWELLING," I was forced to grin. Then she got up and moved under a sign that read "WILLIAMS STICK DID IT!" I thought that was about the limit. The final straw was when she got up again and moved under the sign which read "GOODYEAR RUBBER WOULD HAVE PREVENTED THIS ACCIDENT," I just lost control of myself!"

The teacher asked her children's art class to draw on the blackboard their impressions of the most exciting thing they could think of. One little boy got up and drew a long jagged line
"What's that?" asked the teacher.
"Lightening," said the boy.  "Every time I see lightening I get so excited I scream!"
"Very good," said the teacher.
Next, a little girl drew a wavy line with the broad side of the chalk and explained that was her idea of thunder, which always excited her. The teacher thought that was excellent.
Then little Jerry stepped to the board and made a single dot and sat down.
"What's that?" queried the teacher, a bit perplexed.
"It's a period," replied Jerry.
"Well, Jerry, now what's so exciting about a period?"
"I don't know, teacher," the boy replied, "but my sister missed two of 'em and my whole family's excited!"

I was sitting in the waiting room of the hospital after my wife had gone into labor when the nurse walked out and said to a man sitting there, "Congratulations sir, you're the new 
father of twins!" The man replied, "How about that! I work for the Minnesota Twins baseball team."
About an hour later, the same nurse entered the waiting room and announced that Mrs. Smith had just had triplets. Mr. Smith stood up and said, "Well, how do ya like that, I work for 3M!"
When the nurse appeared next, she told the third man that his wife had given birth to quadruplets. "That's amazing! I work for the Four Seasons Hotel!"
At this point the gentleman sitting next to me let out a little strangled gasp and hurriedly got up, obviously distraught. When I asked him if he was okay, he explained, "I think I need a
breath of fresh air." The man continued, "I'm the casting director for 101 Dalmatians."

That's all for now...till my next post...keep smiling!!!