Pregnant and getting KICKED!!

At some point in your lives, you all must have heard/seen a dog yelping in pain because somebody just kicked it on the side...
Today, through this post, I send my heartfelt sympathies to all the dogs out there who have experienced this ordeal -  Dear doggies, I know exactly how it feels - the only difference being that I can't run away from the kicks as they are coming from inside me!!!

I can classify my baby's movements into kicks, punches, boxes, jabs, head banging, hiccups and somersaults - my 'million dollar baby' (pun intended) seems to be extremely inspired by a combination of two gentlemen, Mr. Bruce Lee and Mr.Rocky Balboa.

My general response to this powerful thrashing I receive everyday is 'Ouch,' 'OUCH', 'OUCH,' 'OUCH' depending on the intensity of the jabs. I say 'ouch' so many times that I hope my baby is not assuming that this is his/her name...or may be the father's name...that mommy keeps yelling all the time!!

this is not me - but some mommy getting kicked real hard by her baby!

When I felt the baby move for the first time, it was ................. ( I am at a loss of words!). 'Mind-blowing'; 'magical', 'amazing' and 'awesome' all put together also cannot reach even close to that feeling... For the first time I felt confident about being pregnant....reassured that my baby must be fine as it is moving around...:-)...It was also my baby's first communication with me!! I felt connected to the baby and realized that I was nurturing a small little life within me...Whoever coined the phrase 'alive and kicking' must have been pregnant at that time!!

Of course, the initial movements (that start in the 5th month) are generally compared to butterflies fluttering inside your tummy...then gradually these flutters transform into earthquakes!! But, a couple of pregnant women I met at the doc's clinic told me that their babies moved rather softly inside them...I told them that their babies had great potential of becoming graceful ballet dancers... (and mine had the potential of inventing a new dance form in which you'll just have to thump your feet hard, do some head banging, thrash your fists in the air...the works - A rock star definitely!!)

When parents ask their children to sing a song or recite a poem in front of somebody, children never do it...they start behaving as of they are being spoken to in a foreign language!! Actually these same children, will fry their parents ears at home singing, reciting, screaming etc but in front of some Aunty and Uncle...they HAVE to appear as the dumbest creatures on earth!! (I'm sure most of you are familiar with this). My child has already learnt this trick!! Some of my friends and my husband have been seeing me squirming and swearing (mostly 'ouch') at every kick of the baby...but when I place their hands on my tummy...this baby becomes a complete Mahatma...all tranquil and peaceful... Not a flutter from her/him...complete silence....Serenity personified!!!! It has been really difficult for me to gather evidence and witnesses regarding the intensity and frequency of my baby's kicks!! You'll have to take my word for it though some people don't believe me...

One night I was trying to sleep..tossing and turning on the bed as usual...not able to doze off because of  the high level of activity happening inside me..I finally fell asleep in one posture - by spooning my hubby (hugging him from behind)...In the middle of the night, I was woken up by my husband. He said that he woke up because I was patting his back continuously as if I needed something urgently. I told him that I would shake him vigorously by the shoulders, or pull his hair or scream his name if there was any emergency...why in the world would I pat his back?? Then I shouted out with glee, 'that must have been the baby kicking!' But, he refused to believe me!!  He said he must have been dreaming...just IMAGINE!!!! For a long time, I was fuming at the unfairness of the whole situation...because he immediately went back to sleep and I was wide awake like an owl...felt like giving a nice tight kick to my fast asleep hubby (Whoever coined the phrase 'sleeping like a baby' was not talking about babies inside the wombs)!! These illustrations depict exactly how I felt...I really wanted him to know how it feels when somebody is 'POW-WOWING' punches inside you...(and also because I wanted him to feel the same amazement and delight)

good baby!!

I wish I could go on such a rampage. Mark Parisi has a wonderful collection of preggie cartoons: click here

I told my baby the next day that this kind of behaviour won't be tolerated etc..and I think s/he recognized the 'strict-mommy-tone'... and also felt some performance pressure!! Now, when Papa places his hand on the tummy, the kicks don't stop...(I do hope that the strict-mommy-tone works afterwards too...I don't want to promise chocolates or toys against recital of a poem...but who knows...it may come to that!!)

Also, after having complained so much, I suddenly felt good that I am not an elephant- imagine an elephant's baby kicking inside her and their gestation period is TWO YEARS!!!

Or for that matter..coming back to dogs....I am sending extra sympathies to the bitches (I strictly mean female dogs here) out there...they have to bear kicks of an entire litter inside them...and each of their babies has four feet!!!! The photo you see here is of 'Button' and her litter of 18!! and just a year ago she had given birth to 16!! ALL HATS that I had/have/will ever have OFF TO BUTTON!!!!

now you know what I mean 'litter'ally (photo taken from this website)

Feeling much better...sometimes- comparisons (however useless, unlikely or out of the world) do help!!

I am waiting for the time when I can again assign the normal meaning to 'feeling kicked' about something or 'getting the kicks' from something!!! And  I am sure that the first kick I'll get will be on seeing my baby (that will be a pretty huge kick for my husband too).... right now the wait is getting harder and so are the kicks!!

And for people who doubt my baby's kicking abilities (like my hubby)...I know exactly what I'll do to make them believe - see below:

so now you know how 'kicks' feel

Dressing up when Pregnant

I am writing this post because last week, I got 4-5 phone calls from among my limited group of readers...and they complained that I was not being regular with my posts and they were checking my blog everyday!! I tried to pass off my laziness as pregnancy moodiness...but all in vain...some of them know me too well to fall for my lies (they rightly pointed out that I had limited time to write all I can about pregnancy - the blog being about 'pregnancy')!! But it was not their scolding/insistence that has made me write this post in a hurry....It was their praise... and their simple looking- forward-to-reading-something-new-written-by-me..

I was beaming with delight throughout the week and it wasn't the glow of pregnancy!! I had to bite my finger and pinch myself  to confirm that I wasn't dreaming...because some of these friends are brutally honest and 'praise' in any form coming from them is huge!! Even my baby kicked a little more than usual - I guess it was dancing with joy!! Thanks people...you all liking my blog means a lot to us (me n the baby)..

Actually I have a number of ideas kicking inside me like the baby but they are all still growing like her/him!! And as I am growing and the baby is growing and the ideas are growing, it is becoming even easier to dress myself up (seriously...I am not joking). I have this wonderful collection of tents to wear  (yes..you heard correctly- TENTS)!! (thanks to my mom)

My mother has taken the responsibility of dressing me up in my preggie+home-arrest status. For going out to the doc's clinic or for an ultrasound, she had saved the maternity kurtas that my sister had bought during her time. She passed them on to me in the second month so that I wouldn't even dream of buying anything new (as it is you have to be at home...why do you need new clothes!). Now I know what 'revenge' tastes like...when we were younger...my younger sis always got the hand-me-downs and I got new clothes!! Then came the fateful day when both of us attained almost the same size and since then, most of our fights revolve mostly around clothes (even today- I feel happiest when I have plundered my sister's wardrobe).


But, it is the other clothes that I wear 24X7 nowadays that I want to talk about...The 'tents' - referred to as 'nighties' by my mom but I swear to you all that they are actually tents with a hole on the top and two on the sides for my head and hands to go in. Either my mom told the tailor that I was a shapeless and obese alien from outer space who could expand to unimaginable size or... she had recently seen Arnold Schwarzenegger pregnant in the film 'Junior' and emotionally thought of her pregnant daughter and then confused our sizes while giving instructions to the tailor!! 

this is a specimen of pregnant Arnie's nightie!!

This is an example of Arnie's size!!

The other designer items contributed by Ma towards my preggie wardrobe are pajamas - I prefer calling them 'Hippopojamas' and here is what I think must have happened at the tailor's shop... Ma must have given her strict instructions to the tailor, 'My daughter is a hippopotamus ...she is also pregnant...so add extra cloth if you need...but make the pajamas loose and comfortable'. Later she must have made a follow-up phone call to the tailor to ensure that he understood her well...'she is not what she used to be...she is fat now' (I tried to insert the word  'overweight' in my mom's vocabulary but she feels it doesn't carry the same weight as 'FAT'). 

So I ended up with pajamas that are loose and comfortable for a pregnant Hippo with enough space remaining for an elephant to take a stroll..Some of them have extra strips of cloth stitched on both sides as the tailor did not want to take any chances with the fitting...having being given such specific instructions!!

a medium sized specimen of a non-pregnant hippo!!

Thereafter, the only thing left to me to arrange was tops that I could wear with these pajamas... Here is where my old T-shirts came in pretty handy...very comfortable...already stretched and loose...and you can do anything with them....So, I tried painting some 'pregnancy related' messages/quotes on my old T-shirts...to ensure and assert my own creativity in my wardrobe! I borrowed some quotes from the internet and some I made on my own...here are some for you all to read and smile (don't ask me to put pictures of my painted T-shirts as the project got sploshed mid-way - I read somewhere that clumsiness increases in the third trimester - no...REALLY... :-)...but I am still trying)..

'I am growing a baby inside me...What are you doing?' (read somewhere)

'I am making a baby...What's your superpower?' (read somewhere)

'Because I am Pregnant' (mine)

'You better smile when you hear me burp' (mine)

        

Having told you all this...I have to grudgingly confess that the 'Tents and Hippopojamas' are a million times more comfortable than a few other clothes that I sneakily managed to buy one day. I love their ample comfort..I breathe better, move easier and feel less sweaty and itchy.. but I never accepted this in front of Ma.. 


Ma took time out from her busy schedule (she is a really busy doctor) -bought the softest cotton cloth available-washed it - went to the tailor- gave specific (ahem!!) instructions-got the clothes from the tailor- had them sent to me in time- and what did I do? First, I screamed when I saw the clothes and then I screamed at her on the phone asking her whether she felt I was a hippo (then she got confused between a hippo and a rhino and asked me which one I meant- as if that would make a big difference in size) !!


I guess that is exactly what my child will also do when I'll try and do something practical for her/him -'SCREAM'...get irritated..It's OK..One does this with parents..History will repeat itself...and somewhere down the line, my Ma and Pa will happily witness their grandchildren taking their revenge!!

:-) keep smiling people...

All T Shirt pictures are from this website


I have three more stories in draft stage..will post them soon