Pregnant but not filmy!

Last week, one of my friends discovered that she was pregnant...she called me up and said that it was all because of reading my blog (I insisted that she give a little credit to her husband too but she just wouldn't hear of it). She had been indecisive about having a baby and wanted to thank me as she got that last moment 'push' (let's say encouragement) from my stories... (and here I was thinking that people reading all this stuff will think at least twice before having a baby!!)


'and...', she said 'my husband refuses to believe that I'm pregnant!!!!'...He told her, 'O come on...don't try and fool me...you're not pregnant....you're not even puking!!!' Even when she showed him the two lines on the four pregnancy tests that she had done to confirm it herself, he looked quite skeptical about the whole thing because she hadn't vomited!! 


This is what happens when one has been fed on a healthy dose of Hindi cinema since childhood!! (actually only about 55% of pregnant women show this symptom of early pregnancy - good, I was not among them)


Don't you all remember the film 'Aradhana'? I think it marked my entry into adulthood - I got to know that one could get pregnant by spending (quality) time with a guy alone! It was quite a breath of fresh air after seeing scenes of two flowers touching and two birds touching their beaks on screen and suddenly in the next scene a woman got pregnant and started puking (very confusing for teenagers)!! 


Remember...the 'roop tera mastana' song around a bonfire...the hero and heroine alone in the wilderness, needing each other's warmth in the extreme cold weather......and the next scene shows Sharmila Tagore going 'AWWWWWWGWWAAAWWWW' - puking and indicating to the audience that she is pregnant....and the audience emiting a collective HAW!! 



Hindi films showing  pre-marital pregnancy use this most visually obvious symptom of pregnancy-puking/ vomiting/ throwing up or 'morning sickness' (nothing scientific about the nomenclature as morning sickness can happen at any time of the day!).It is used in films because of its audio-visual appeal! Women don't develop baby bumps overnight otherwise it would have been easy for film makers. Other signs of pregnancy are not very obvious (except to the pregnant woman), so they don't work on screen..


only 'Awwwwwwwuuu... aaawwwwww.... auuwwwwwww' works!!!!  


The only other thing that works is to say it clearly...'Main tumhare bachche ki ma banne vaali hoon (I am going to become the mother of your child - sounds quite weird in English) or get some elderly woman to abuse the pregnant heroine 'kalmuhi kahan se moo kala karva ke aayi hai?' (where did you go and get your face blackened- i think I should stop translating - just doesn't convey the emotion properly!!)


I really wanted to find out if anybody has ever used these statements in real life so I conducted a telephonic survey of 18 pregnant women and 22 moms and asked them how they had broken the news to their husbands and whether they had used this dialogue: 'main tumhare bachche ki ma banne vaali hoon'....I reached a conclusion that I have some very non-filmy friends as nobody except one had used this statement...


She has allowed me to mention the exact news she gave her hubby (let's call him X for convenience (his) sake)... (imagine a woman with sarcasm and frustration on her face, trying to control two children playing in the room and to have a conversation with her husband at the same time) 'yaar hudd hoti hai X - now this is the third time......ki main tumhare bachche ki ma ban rahi hoon - another pregnancy!!! tumhare bachche paida kar kar ke thak gayi hoon main...and you!!!...either you don't know how to wear it properly or we need to sue this company for manufacturing faulty products!!!' 
They had been so sure of their contraceptive technique that for three months, this friend ascribed the missed periods to extensive travel and the moodiness to the missed periods!!They went ahead and had a gorgeous baby girl is another story to tell!! AND....and...she didn't even puke so how could they guess (see how important 'vomiting' can be sometimes)!!

Talking of Hindi films and contraceptives, I can't help but remember Amitabh Bachchan stammer in front of the chemist while buying a pack of condoms in 'Cheeni Kum'. A hilarious scene!!(I also wondered what film stars do when they need them in real life? this must be one item on their priority list when they go to a country like Azerbaijan for a shoot-where nobody knows them- so they casually stroll into a shop and buy a year's supply at least!!)

Continuing the conversation about pregnancy, contraceptives and Hindi films,, I have to mention the recent film 'Rajneeti' otherwise this academic research will remain incomplete!! Nobody in that movie believes in using contraceptives....and all the women exhibit incredible fertility...each one gets pregnant after one go with her man!! First Bharti (whose man Naseerudin Shah runs away)..then Sara (in one go with Ranbir Kapoor)...then Indu (Arjun Rampal gets killed after this)!!! In this new age movie, these women are not shown throwing up left right and centre...instead subtle expressions and dialogues  are used to convey their pregnancy! (How boring!!)

Still continuing the same conversation and knowing that films are a mirror to our society, there is definitely an increased awareness about contraceptives...our films now show a more aware society...no more do you find women puking in a film to convey they are preggie...In today's movies, young people have sex all the time (it seems so) but do not end up pregnant like Sharmila Tagore in 'Aradhana'!! Take 'Murder 2' for instance- what would happen if Jaqueline were to become pregnant after one 
meeting with Hashmi???? 
..and isn't it sort of hard to picture Jacqueline puking??




P.S: So, I have told my friend to take the filmy path....shut herself in the toilet and produce loud sounds of 'awwwwww'...'awwwwwww' (make sure she's in hubby's hearing range)...come out and call her hubby...look into his eyes lovingly...get into a comfortable embrace and tell him 'main tumhare bachche ki ma banne vaali hoon (ab toe maan lo...I puked also)!!!'

to have or not to have....a baby!

Randy Glasbergen has a wonderful collection of cartoons (some of them are especially about the preganant state). this one taken from his website

a sure shot way to have cute babies!!

I got a frantic call from one of my preggie friends (let's call her 'S')...I present the conversation below:


S (really flustered): 'Yaar do you know any place where I can get some good posters?'
Me (amused): 'Kaun se hero ka chahiye hai? (which actor's poster do you want?)'
S (irritated): 'yahaan hum pareshaan ho rahe hain aur tumhe mazaak soojh raha hai....please help me find some good posters of cute babies'
Me (still amused): 'arre yaar...you are going to have a baby of your own...why do you need posters?'


At this point, S decided that she had to tell me the story from the beginning to make me understand the gravity of the situation. Her mother had told her about a month ago (on phone) to put up some posters of cute babies on all the walls of her room...so that they could be seen from every position (lying, sitting, waking up etc) and S had apparently convinced her mom that her room had been converted into an exhibition of cute babies...Now her mom was going to visit in person and S needed to cover up her lies and get at least 1-2 baby posters!! So the conversation continues:


Me: 'aaaaaaaah!! why did you lie to aunty?'
S: 'Would you like to cover all the four walls of your room with baby posters?'
Me (shuddering at the possibility and avoiding to answer): 'Actually........why are cute baby posters soooooo important?'
S (with her patience completely lost): 'arre my mom was saying that if you keep looking at beautiful children and cute babies when you're pregnant, your baby will also be cute'
Me (screaming): 'No!!!!!!!'
S (brimming with satisfaction at being understood at last): 'Yes!!!...and the problem is that my mom firmly believes in this theory!! so will you please stop talking and help me get a few posters....she's arriving tonight'
Me (laughing): 'S, didn't you explain to aunty that heredity also plays a small role...and that you and cuteness are opposite things so if you consider the genetics of the situation...(pause)...haan but R is quite cute so there is still a possibility of your baby inheriting some cuteness from him (referring to her husband)!!
S (fuming): will you stop your nonsense (bakwaas band karo) and help me get some posters...uff!! 


So after this conversation, both of us and our husbands and a few more friends began our search for baby posters (me from my house - remember doc advised rest - thank God or who-so-ever for internet)...First we looked for 'Archies' or 'Hallmark' shops which used to be the best place for getting cards/posters/gifts when we were teenagers. We were shocked to find that these shops have almost but disappeared (they are now online!!). One or two that remain on ground have stocked a lot of useless gifts like show-pieces...and very few cards (I guess everybody wishes each other on Facebook nowadays...who needs paper cards?)...and no posters (as you have your desktop background that you can change whenever you want)!!! So, no luck there...


We thought of getting poster size prints of some Anne Geddes baby photos (which in my opinion are beautiful!!)...but that was too expensive and we did not get any high resolution photo on the internet....plus we had no time to order through the internet!!


Finally...somebody found two posters in Sarojini Nagar with colour enhanced green and blue backgrounds behind the babies (very very ghati posters like the ones you get in a mela)...but it was already evening and we had to get S's room ready....So I suggested that they buy a roll of paper tape that doesn't leave any marks on the wall and S could easily take off the posters after aunty's visit!! 


Finally aunty arrived and saw the posters and remarked, 'only two posters!!' She had no problem with the jarring colours in the background and the poor quality of the posters as long as the babies were 'cute'...My friend thought it was time to put her foot down and said that two posters were enough to impart sufficient cuteness to her baby!!! Aunty did not argue further but said she'll try and get some more posters in her next visit!!!


Phew!!! All's well that ends well!! 


So, you must be thinking what a nice story with a good ending...but this is not the end....The day after this fiasco...I called up my Ma to share this humorous situation...but before I could reach the really funny part, she literally jumped at aunty's idea of 'pregnant women looking at posters of cute babies'...and said 'I think that's a brilliant idea...you also get some posters and put them up...do this immediately!!!' 


P.S: So now, when aunty will leave, S will send the posters and paper tape to my house...so that I can put them up when my mom visits next week...


P.P.S: What if they visit at the same time? What if S's mom wishes to come and see me or my mom vice versa? 


(S got this brilliant idea of getting her and her husband's childhood photos enlarged into poster size- frame them and put them up...but probably aunty feels that their cuteness quotient is a little low...as compared to poster babies- so she is sending four more posters by courier - expected anytime now!!)

another beautiful Anne Geddes baby poster: