Having been stuck on the third floor of a lift-less apartment building on account of my slightly complicated pregnancy, I have now compiled a list of TOP 10 things that make bed ridden pregnant women even more miserable...
(this is the small text which people tend to miss in contracts and insurance documents - but is the most significant. Though I have mentioned here how I got irritated/miserable with what my friends and family said to me during my bed rest phase, without them, I couldn't have survived it...They have been my pillar of strength..my connection to the rest of the world...I cherish all the visits and phone calls that they have made/will make...Without them, I would really be one miserable creature)
One friend asks me: 'Have you seen this latest movie (in this case it was ZNMD- Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara)? By God- its to die for- what amazing cinematography- what story- superb acting...you must see it- its just your kind of movie and you know what happens when this hero gets....'.(HELLO!!- sorry to interrupt but didn't I tell you just 2 seconds ago that I have been advised bed-rest by the doc!!). It is these kinds of friends who make you break your principles and watch pirated CDs...the government must arrest these people to bust the pirated CD racket!!
Another friend asks me in a very concerned voice: 'Did you get to watch this movie?' and before he can go any further, I say- 'Oh yes- I got it from a friend and watched it here..' He made a face that would make any zombie insecure and said, 'What!! you watched it on this tiny computer screen!!! On the big screen its another experience altogether' (WELL thanks!! This information was really crucial to the development of my baby!! and another thanks for pointing out that my computer is size-zero and good for nothing)
A friend came to see me and to cheer me up she said, 'You don't know what a bundle you are saving...you are on bed rest- you don't need clothes!!' (she meant 'new clothes' to go with my changing size - but I had been looking forward to go about the town in stylish maternity clothes in which you can have as many tyres of fat oozing out of your body and yet people will give you those adoring glances and sweet smiles!!) So here I am in my rags...saving money on clothes...but getting whooping phone bills on account of the 'resting' state ( but the tongue never rests)...not to mention the gigantic AC bill as nowadays I feel that I'll melt in the heat. So, clothes or no clothes...expenditure is a norm when you are pregnant whether mobile or on bed rest!!
Number four is the most interesting as almost every friend who is a mom or dad has told me this: 'Abhi so lo jitna sona hai....baad mein taras jaaogi' meaning 'Sleep as much as you can while you have this chance...afterwards with the baby you won't get to sleep at all' (for those of you who are thinking exactly what problem could I have with this piece of good advice, I request you to transport yourselves to the days when we had our exams in school and we felt so sleepy and yet, in order to study, we had to keep our eyes open. Wouldn't it have been wonderful if we could sleep for one month and stay awake the next month when we had our exams??) Even if I sleep now (all the time as suggested), will it guarantee full energy and wide-eyed wakefulness once the baby is born?? Please tell me......please please...if yes, then I am ready to take some inspiration from 'Kumbhkaran'.
What can I say about this one: 'Please take a lot of rest' (Do you see me running a marathon or jumping around? Then why are you telling me to do exactly what I am doing 24X7 already?)
This one came from a friend who is also pregnant right now. She called me up and told me ' I went to this XYZ Spa today and got a relaxing facial and massage...feel like a million dollars...you know they have a special package to pamper pregnant women!' (waaaaaaaaaaaaaa!! this is me trying to cry and scream and pull my hair at the same time - difficult task - as I was also holding my phone listening to her) How could she do this to me- a knife in the heart!! I muttered 'Et tu Brute' under my breath and felt like Julius Caesar...I was sooooo jealous that my ears became warm. But then she told me that she went there because she had this very bad episode of morning sickness with a lot of puking and that she had been vomiting on and off every 3-4 hours and how her car seats had to be dry cleaned twice in a a week etc. So, she really needed some TLC (tender love n care)...Immediately the temperature of my ears returned to normal and I began sympathizing with her...though I really wanted to rub in the fact that I didn't even puke once in my preggie state!!!
This one is something that every pregnant woman hears from some source or the other....'you must sleep on time, eat on time, read good (they mostly mean spiritual) books, listen to good (here they mean meditative) music... All this will affect your baby......the baby will always sleep late if you sleep late etc etc. (Now as a resting preggie I really depend on those racy thrillers to keep me company - and where is the thrill and mystery if they don't have a murder or two, at least one kidnapping, a rape etc???) (And why would I want my baby to listen to the recorded sound of water flowing over pebbles and birds chirping when s/he can experience it for real? As far as developing an appreciation for music goes, I think pregnant women should listen to all genres..) (And if the baby depends so much on my sleeping... my baby will surely be a lazy bum - a sloth in human garb...because the mother doesn't have a choice but to keep resting to bring her/him into this world! Suddenly, heredity will have no say and it won't matter if the mother and father are super-active otherwise)
This one comes from my doctor friend (the one I've mentioned in a previous post). She keeps telling me that she knows of two such pregnant women who spent the entire 9 months on bed. They were not even allowed bathroom breaks like me and had a bed pan...She keeps telling me that I should be grateful that I am allowed to sit at the table and have my meals.. (Why? I also have the right to complain about my condition when I see pregnant women who go to office till the last day and I can't....why can't I compare myself to preggies who go and watch movies, go out for dinner...) So I will continue asking her 'Why me?' even if she keeps scolding me...more than 25 years of friendship give you many such exclusive rights. (yes you read correctly- 25years!!)
Do you know what a 'babymoon' is? I do now and will elucidate it here: A babymoon includes some ' "last hurrah" trips for parents-to-be providing the perfect setting to relax and reconnect as a couple before entering parenthood" .A pregnant friend (another one) calls up one day, jumping with joy, 'We are going for a babymoon to Bali'. Though I have to accept here that she did not know about the bed-rest clause in my pregnancy so she was just sharing her excitement which I could not share equally. (It is not easy spending all your time indoors...one gets really tired of the same walls, the same switchboard and tubelight and lamp and of course the same bed...however bright bed sheet one may use). Actually, pregnant women on bed rest must not feel bad about not being able to go on a babymoon because their doctors (like mine) must have given strict instructions with these two words loudest of all, 'No Sex'. My doctor told me that the bed has to be used as a place of rest and nothing else for the next 6 months!!! Then she thought a little more and said, 'that doesn't open the option of doing it elsewhere in the house! You cannot risk going further than a cuddle or hug!!!!' IMAGINE!!! what opinion she must have had of me!!! Even if I would have made it to a babymoon on a stretcher, I would just be looking out of the hotel room window - May be I'll ask my husband to get a poster of an exotic beach location, stick it on the wall in front of me and dress up in beach wear and lie in front of the poster to give me the 'feel' - we could have the sound of sea waves in the background too!! (He'll kill me when he reads this!)
This usually comes from elder women in the family, aunties or didis- women more experienced in pregnancy than you..They tell you, 'Don't care about what the doctor says beta, you have to keep your husband's attention...All husbands are attracted towards other women when their wife is pregnant...after the third month there is no issue' Basically, they are encouraging me to do it with my hubby occasionally even when I am on bed rest. (Ok aunties so when did you all receive your doctorate in gynaecology? On one hand my doctor tells me to be careful even when I sit or stand so that there is minimum impact and on the other I am being cheered on for frequent humping (please excuse my language)). I was slightly bothered by this and asked my husband 'are you looking at other women nowadays?' He said 'that I do all the time...why is nowadays important?' so I asked him, 'do you find them more attractive than me? you know me being pregnant and all?' He answered 'Nobody in his right mind would answer 'yes' to that question! By the way, have you lost your mind or something'. He is right - I was being paranoid...On a more serious note, fathers-to-be have so much on their minds that even looking at other women amounts to additional work. Why do people always have to put men down to that level as if they are incapable of anything else. If it is important for the safety of the baby, its not a big deal for both the mother and father to go without sex - 'its just temporary and not impossible Aunty!!!'
(this is the small text which people tend to miss in contracts and insurance documents - but is the most significant. Though I have mentioned here how I got irritated/miserable with what my friends and family said to me during my bed rest phase, without them, I couldn't have survived it...They have been my pillar of strength..my connection to the rest of the world...I cherish all the visits and phone calls that they have made/will make...Without them, I would really be one miserable creature)
One friend asks me: 'Have you seen this latest movie (in this case it was ZNMD- Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara)? By God- its to die for- what amazing cinematography- what story- superb acting...you must see it- its just your kind of movie and you know what happens when this hero gets....'.(HELLO!!- sorry to interrupt but didn't I tell you just 2 seconds ago that I have been advised bed-rest by the doc!!). It is these kinds of friends who make you break your principles and watch pirated CDs...the government must arrest these people to bust the pirated CD racket!!
Another friend asks me in a very concerned voice: 'Did you get to watch this movie?' and before he can go any further, I say- 'Oh yes- I got it from a friend and watched it here..' He made a face that would make any zombie insecure and said, 'What!! you watched it on this tiny computer screen!!! On the big screen its another experience altogether' (WELL thanks!! This information was really crucial to the development of my baby!! and another thanks for pointing out that my computer is size-zero and good for nothing)
A friend came to see me and to cheer me up she said, 'You don't know what a bundle you are saving...you are on bed rest- you don't need clothes!!' (she meant 'new clothes' to go with my changing size - but I had been looking forward to go about the town in stylish maternity clothes in which you can have as many tyres of fat oozing out of your body and yet people will give you those adoring glances and sweet smiles!!) So here I am in my rags...saving money on clothes...but getting whooping phone bills on account of the 'resting' state ( but the tongue never rests)...not to mention the gigantic AC bill as nowadays I feel that I'll melt in the heat. So, clothes or no clothes...expenditure is a norm when you are pregnant whether mobile or on bed rest!!
Number four is the most interesting as almost every friend who is a mom or dad has told me this: 'Abhi so lo jitna sona hai....baad mein taras jaaogi' meaning 'Sleep as much as you can while you have this chance...afterwards with the baby you won't get to sleep at all' (for those of you who are thinking exactly what problem could I have with this piece of good advice, I request you to transport yourselves to the days when we had our exams in school and we felt so sleepy and yet, in order to study, we had to keep our eyes open. Wouldn't it have been wonderful if we could sleep for one month and stay awake the next month when we had our exams??) Even if I sleep now (all the time as suggested), will it guarantee full energy and wide-eyed wakefulness once the baby is born?? Please tell me......please please...if yes, then I am ready to take some inspiration from 'Kumbhkaran'.
What can I say about this one: 'Please take a lot of rest' (Do you see me running a marathon or jumping around? Then why are you telling me to do exactly what I am doing 24X7 already?)
This one came from a friend who is also pregnant right now. She called me up and told me ' I went to this XYZ Spa today and got a relaxing facial and massage...feel like a million dollars...you know they have a special package to pamper pregnant women!' (waaaaaaaaaaaaaa!! this is me trying to cry and scream and pull my hair at the same time - difficult task - as I was also holding my phone listening to her) How could she do this to me- a knife in the heart!! I muttered 'Et tu Brute' under my breath and felt like Julius Caesar...I was sooooo jealous that my ears became warm. But then she told me that she went there because she had this very bad episode of morning sickness with a lot of puking and that she had been vomiting on and off every 3-4 hours and how her car seats had to be dry cleaned twice in a a week etc. So, she really needed some TLC (tender love n care)...Immediately the temperature of my ears returned to normal and I began sympathizing with her...though I really wanted to rub in the fact that I didn't even puke once in my preggie state!!!
This one is something that every pregnant woman hears from some source or the other....'you must sleep on time, eat on time, read good (they mostly mean spiritual) books, listen to good (here they mean meditative) music... All this will affect your baby......the baby will always sleep late if you sleep late etc etc. (Now as a resting preggie I really depend on those racy thrillers to keep me company - and where is the thrill and mystery if they don't have a murder or two, at least one kidnapping, a rape etc???) (And why would I want my baby to listen to the recorded sound of water flowing over pebbles and birds chirping when s/he can experience it for real? As far as developing an appreciation for music goes, I think pregnant women should listen to all genres..) (And if the baby depends so much on my sleeping... my baby will surely be a lazy bum - a sloth in human garb...because the mother doesn't have a choice but to keep resting to bring her/him into this world! Suddenly, heredity will have no say and it won't matter if the mother and father are super-active otherwise)
This one comes from my doctor friend (the one I've mentioned in a previous post). She keeps telling me that she knows of two such pregnant women who spent the entire 9 months on bed. They were not even allowed bathroom breaks like me and had a bed pan...She keeps telling me that I should be grateful that I am allowed to sit at the table and have my meals.. (Why? I also have the right to complain about my condition when I see pregnant women who go to office till the last day and I can't....why can't I compare myself to preggies who go and watch movies, go out for dinner...) So I will continue asking her 'Why me?' even if she keeps scolding me...more than 25 years of friendship give you many such exclusive rights. (yes you read correctly- 25years!!)
Do you know what a 'babymoon' is? I do now and will elucidate it here: A babymoon includes some ' "last hurrah" trips for parents-to-be providing the perfect setting to relax and reconnect as a couple before entering parenthood" .A pregnant friend (another one) calls up one day, jumping with joy, 'We are going for a babymoon to Bali'. Though I have to accept here that she did not know about the bed-rest clause in my pregnancy so she was just sharing her excitement which I could not share equally. (It is not easy spending all your time indoors...one gets really tired of the same walls, the same switchboard and tubelight and lamp and of course the same bed...however bright bed sheet one may use). Actually, pregnant women on bed rest must not feel bad about not being able to go on a babymoon because their doctors (like mine) must have given strict instructions with these two words loudest of all, 'No Sex'. My doctor told me that the bed has to be used as a place of rest and nothing else for the next 6 months!!! Then she thought a little more and said, 'that doesn't open the option of doing it elsewhere in the house! You cannot risk going further than a cuddle or hug!!!!' IMAGINE!!! what opinion she must have had of me!!! Even if I would have made it to a babymoon on a stretcher, I would just be looking out of the hotel room window - May be I'll ask my husband to get a poster of an exotic beach location, stick it on the wall in front of me and dress up in beach wear and lie in front of the poster to give me the 'feel' - we could have the sound of sea waves in the background too!! (He'll kill me when he reads this!)
This usually comes from elder women in the family, aunties or didis- women more experienced in pregnancy than you..They tell you, 'Don't care about what the doctor says beta, you have to keep your husband's attention...All husbands are attracted towards other women when their wife is pregnant...after the third month there is no issue' Basically, they are encouraging me to do it with my hubby occasionally even when I am on bed rest. (Ok aunties so when did you all receive your doctorate in gynaecology? On one hand my doctor tells me to be careful even when I sit or stand so that there is minimum impact and on the other I am being cheered on for frequent humping (please excuse my language)). I was slightly bothered by this and asked my husband 'are you looking at other women nowadays?' He said 'that I do all the time...why is nowadays important?' so I asked him, 'do you find them more attractive than me? you know me being pregnant and all?' He answered 'Nobody in his right mind would answer 'yes' to that question! By the way, have you lost your mind or something'. He is right - I was being paranoid...On a more serious note, fathers-to-be have so much on their minds that even looking at other women amounts to additional work. Why do people always have to put men down to that level as if they are incapable of anything else. If it is important for the safety of the baby, its not a big deal for both the mother and father to go without sex - 'its just temporary and not impossible Aunty!!!'
great writig
ReplyDeletethanks Anonymous!!!
ReplyDeleteYeah yeah..you are having such a tough time being on bed all day long and lording over the entire household. You will get your pregnancy service stripes ..as those stretch marks. BWAHHAAAA \m/
ReplyDeleteRead it again !! nahin nahin,kaam toe hai, phirbhi padha, aur achha laga. While reading the BOLD portions I can just FEEL you saying those boldly ! All these reminds be of OUR first pregnancy...that was in US and lo...ng back. The Americans made sure that we were both pregnant (my wife is the other part) and kind of like it(then).I think it is cool idea for a GUY to FEEL pregnant that too without any pain... The AUNTY issue was different ie absent. There were no ADVISERS...We literally went through the whole pregnancy by the BOOK,chapter by chapter-month by month ! Some Americans did give advice but that was more to PARTICIPATE in OUR pregnancy..those were also from the book !Our Doctor wanted MY advice to give his, which also appeared from the same book !!! The book was far better than the AUNTYs and their antique advice.But we were not that lucky in we had our second child...there were AUNTYs and this time I was not pregnant !! only my wife was. Where was it ? Thats any ones guess...
ReplyDeleteThis is rather a very long comment...may be I broke some BLOG rules...who cares...this Blog mera baapka nahin hai toe kya hua, meri ek khhas dostka toe hai.... smile
well i dont want a "low-res" niece/nephew..u understand...
ReplyDeleteI superliked your idea of writing down thro blogs. At present times when we struggle thro our survival as nuclear families and our friends far off scattered around the globe(though, even if in the same city, not necessary we might want to meet or chat with them :-)), its pretty good to share your apprehenions,doubts,anxiety,nausea and most imp, your loneliness at home.
ReplyDeleteI went thro your recent writings and as much as I could comprehend, its the "bedridden' syndrome thats killing you. Having been a pro-active woman for years now, to be told to confine yourself in a room is a torture in itself. If I were to say, " Well, I understand what you are going through...", I'll be downright lying. Nobody can, unless the person sympathising is/has experienced the situation herself. I thank God for not making this imp phase of my life too difficult for me....I had been extremely fortunate in having get to enjoy both my pregnancies and being active till my last day. But I think all women who get pregnant should thank God for being able to given the power of being the Creator of their lil ones....afterall everything comes with a price.
Yet, all these sense of desolation will elapse once that small bundle of wonder rests in your arms.....thats the magical power they are born with.
But as time advances, I would be looking forward to reading more about your food cravings, mood swings(which invariably, befalls on the guy around you), your thoughts about the unborn, ultrasound pictures where you get to see tiny structures developing rapidly, motion of the child,if you have started experiencing already.... there's so much to share and so little time.....