some laughs!!

As I have been worried about some blood tests lately, I've not been able to focus on my writing. By the time I collect my courage and wait for the results, I'll share some fun 'pregnancy' jokes  featuring 'men'...that helped cheer me up (compiled from various internet sources)...Enjoy!!!:


After a trip of South India , Santa Singh ,his wife and his son were returning to Punjab in Tamilnadu Express. Santa Singh was occupying the lower berth, his wife the middle berth and his son the top most berth in the train. When the train stopped at one of the stations on the way back the son requested Santa Singh for some ice cream to which Santa readily agreed. When Santa and his son returned they found that a South Indian who couldn't understand Hindi had occupied his son's berth . Outraged, Santa Singh called the TT and asked him to help. The TT also could not understand Hindi/Punjabi so he said it would be better if Santa Singh explained the whole situation to him in English. Santa Singh explained " That man sleeping on top of my wife is not giving birth to my child."




A Husband made a call to the Hospital to know about his pregnant Wife. But accidentally the call went to a Cricket stadium. He asked, "What is the condition?" He fainted after hearing the reply, which said, "7 are already out... 3 more to get after Lunch...and...two were Ducks..."




A tense man spoke frantically into the phone, "My wife is eight months pregnant and she is crying in pain!"
"Is this her first child?" the doctor asked.
"No!" the man shouted, "This is her husband!"




A pregnant lady was in an accident and she woke up in the hospital. She noticed she was not pregnant anymore and asked the nurse what happened to her baby.
The nurse said, "You have two healthy babies, a boy and a girl!" The lady said, "Oh, I must name them,"  but the nurse said, "You were unconscious, so we called your brother, and he named them!"
The lady said, "But he's as dumb as a box of rocks! So what are their names?"
The nurse said, "The girl is called "Denise." The woman replied, "Well that is a pretty name, so what did he name my boy?"The nurse replied, "Denephew!"


A young man said to his girlfriend's father, "I realize that this is only a formality, but would you mind me marrying your daughter?" 
"Who says it's ONLY A FORMALITY?" asked the father angrily.
"Her obstetrician!" replied the young man.

A college lecturer sets her class a fun competition. She asks them to write as short a story as possible containing the three topics i.e. religion, sexuality and mystery. The guy who got the first prize wrote "My god, I'm pregnant. I wonder whose it is?"




A woman went to the doctor's office. She was seen by one of the new doctors, but after about four minutes in the examination room, she burst out, screaming as she ran down the hall. An older doctor stopped and asked her what the problem was, and she explained. He had her sit down and relax in another room.
The older doctor marched back to the first and demanded, "What's the matter with you? Mrs. Terry is 63 years old, she has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and you told her she was PREGNANT?"
The new doctor smiled smugly as he continued to write on his clipboard.
"Cured her hiccups though, didn't it?"


Father to daughter: I don't like this guy Fred. He has no brains and he is rough and looks like a gangster. You must stop seeing him
Daughter: Oh no Father... I think Fred is really clever. I have been seeing him for 2-3 months only and he has already cured me of that sickness that used to happen to me every month!!


"I'm really worried," exclaimed Sam.
"Why?" Pete asked. 
"Well, my wife read `A Tale of Two Cities' and we had twins. 
Later she read `The Three Musketeers' and we had triplets. 
Now she's reading `Birth of a Nation!"

Brenda, pregnant with her first child, was paying a visit to her obstetrician's office. When the exam was over, she shyly began, "My husband wants me to ask you..."

"I know, I know," the doctor said, placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder, "I get asked this all the time. Sex is fine until late in the pregnancy."
"No, that's not it at all," Brenda said. "He wants to know if I can still mow the lawn

A lady, about seven months pregnant, got onto a streetcar and sat down upon which she noticed the man opposite her smiling.  Feeling humiliated, she changed her seat. This time his smile turned into a grin, so she changed her seat again.  The man seemed more amused than ever, so again she moved, and immediately the man burst into laughter. Feeling highly insulted the woman complained to the conductor who had the man arrested.

The case came up in court and the judge asked the man if he had anything to say, whereupon the man replied, "Well your honor, it was this way.  When the lady got on the car I could not help but notice her condition, which in itself did not amuse me a bit, but when she sat down under a sign that read "THE GOLD DUST TWINS ARE COMING," I had to smile. Then when she moved and sat down under another sign which read, "SLOANS LINIMENT WILL REDUCE THAT SWELLING," I was forced to grin. Then she got up and moved under a sign that read "WILLIAMS STICK DID IT!" I thought that was about the limit. The final straw was when she got up again and moved under the sign which read "GOODYEAR RUBBER WOULD HAVE PREVENTED THIS ACCIDENT," I just lost control of myself!"

The teacher asked her children's art class to draw on the blackboard their impressions of the most exciting thing they could think of. One little boy got up and drew a long jagged line
"What's that?" asked the teacher.
"Lightening," said the boy.  "Every time I see lightening I get so excited I scream!"
"Very good," said the teacher.
Next, a little girl drew a wavy line with the broad side of the chalk and explained that was her idea of thunder, which always excited her. The teacher thought that was excellent.
Then little Jerry stepped to the board and made a single dot and sat down.
"What's that?" queried the teacher, a bit perplexed.
"It's a period," replied Jerry.
"Well, Jerry, now what's so exciting about a period?"
"I don't know, teacher," the boy replied, "but my sister missed two of 'em and my whole family's excited!"

I was sitting in the waiting room of the hospital after my wife had gone into labor when the nurse walked out and said to a man sitting there, "Congratulations sir, you're the new 
father of twins!" The man replied, "How about that! I work for the Minnesota Twins baseball team."
About an hour later, the same nurse entered the waiting room and announced that Mrs. Smith had just had triplets. Mr. Smith stood up and said, "Well, how do ya like that, I work for 3M!"
When the nurse appeared next, she told the third man that his wife had given birth to quadruplets. "That's amazing! I work for the Four Seasons Hotel!"
At this point the gentleman sitting next to me let out a little strangled gasp and hurriedly got up, obviously distraught. When I asked him if he was okay, he explained, "I think I need a
breath of fresh air." The man continued, "I'm the casting director for 101 Dalmatians."

That's all for now...till my next post...keep smiling!!!